I miss him already! I don't understand his reason for leaving today before he knew what was going. It makes me angry at myself that it probably was exactly what GH said about me driving him crazy and he just wanted to get away from it.
I really am trying . . . it's getting easier to deal with the affair everyday. I didn't bring it up AT ALL yesterday well until he said he was going back down there today (no matter what) . . then that emotional vomiting happened. I feel horrible.
I don't want to push him away. But before he came up he always called and wanted to talk. Now today when he called we talked for all of three minutes and he got off the phone. I didn't mean to screw it up. I honestly tried my hardest. You all know how hard it was at first to deal the feeling about the affair. I mean sure he brought it up in May but until 2.5 weeks ago he flip-flopped back and forth about whether it really happened or not. I don't think I'm doing too awful bad with it. I really did work my tail this weekend. I thought that for the most part it went well. . . sure it got rocky a few time . . but it went OK.
He hasn't said he wants out of our R and he said he'll come back (maybe not for three weeks . . until after this driving and testing phase is over) . . . and that's what I need to focus on. I need to focus on NOT pushing him any farther away . . . I am just unsure of where to start, after this weekend . . I feel like it should be different. I know that I need to try to continue to grow. . . that's tough. BUT I WILL TRY!
Thanks for all the good advice. Now you can kick me in the rear . . and help me get moving again.
I just wish I could figure out how to quiet my own mind! Know any good books about that?
