I am glad that it was NOT the case of having to re-learn a lesson; more simply put, it was HIS weakness that drove him into another affair.
I agree with being true to yourself, BUT ask yourself if you REALLY want your marriage, and if you do, learn the lessons and put in the work to bring it back together again. That is being true to yourself, and knowing what YOU want.
The changes you are making are for YOU, not him, and will benefit you greatly. As well as learning Forgiveness and Acceptance.
The road will be a long one, and there will be times when you will feel like you are so alone and can't go on much longer, but yet find the strength to hang on.
He will NOT take total responsibility for what he did until later on. If you hold out for that now, you are in for a big disappointment. The confusion is so crazy on their part it is unreal, and the child-like actions on his part will floor you.
There will be time later on for accountability, right now you must concentrate on doing what he has asked you to do, help him through it, without pressuring him. It does NOT mean he has gotten away with it, it only means he lacks understanding of what he has done, and right now FEAR of losing you and the children is driving him to do the right thing. Doesn't make sense, I know, but remember, I have been in your shoes, having come LONG past that part of it.
Mine did not start taking responsibility for his actions until three months after he came out of the tunnel, but fear has kept his mouth shut thus far on the affair. I haven't said anything, but his conscience is eating him up by the day, still yet.
Rachel,
Lack trust is normal after discovery of an affair, and it will take time to rebuild that trust.
Lack of libido, even if there ISN'T an OW is NORMAL in MLC. It is the result of stress, guilt, and confusion on the MLC'er's part.
Sex is NOT the end-all and be-all of marriage. It is only a part.
Things change greatly at Midlife, and ONLY if things are running smoothly in the OTHER departments of the marriage will it work right.
It's like the opposite of what it was when you were younger. It took me time to understand that, as although we'd had no trouble at all in the first fifteen years of our marriage, things took a different turn during his Midlife Crisis. OW was in the picture, and the EA had turned PA just before the break-off. She didn't want to let him go and tempted him. But yet, I also saw symptoms of Adropause (male-menopause) too.
When I stopped pressuring him about sex, it all came back together.
Be patient with him, and believe me when I say if things are not as they should be, YOU WILL KNOW.
