OK . . . well my H is gone for a little bit so I thought I'd get online and go over a little of the weekend.


My H put his wedding band back on.
He's been fairly sweet . . . . he's starting to get a little cranky because the guy that he was suppose to be going out with today (to finish his Schneider training) is out running a load down south somewhere and so my H has to sit around and wait to figure out what is going on.

I understand why he is getting upset . . . I just keep telling him to try and enjoy the time we are getting together because after he's on the road we'll only see each other 4 days a month.

He told me that the reason he had the PA was because he was so lonely . . . and since he and I were living seperately without a way to live together he thought we'd never really get back together . . . so he tried to fill the gap somehow. He said it didn't even fix the problem he was trying to fix.

There are certain aspects that still make me REALLY angry about it. Especially when I am sitting here looking at him. It feels like a slap in the face.
He was willing to lie to me about marks (hickies) but if I even kissed him wrong he'd complain because he didn't want me to mark him.
She knew that we weren't fully over so I don't understand what the big big deal was.

I have been keeping as much of my thoughts as humanly possible to myself.
There have been a few rough spots. . . he told me once that he really wanted to come back but that "I needed to make up mind" as to whether or not I really wanted to be with him.

I do still feel that I am being constantly compared to her and it makes me feel REALLY uncomfortable but I do hold it in.
I'll admit that I bawled the first night he got here after we hugged and kissed and cuddled. . . . when he feel asleep I bawled because I just felt so low.

I did look in his phone and although her number wasn't in his contact list anymore . . it was in his outgoing calls on July 3rd.
I confronted him about it . . because I was ready to punch him in the face and kick him right to curb.
He says that a restricted number kept popping up on his phone (and she used to do that) so somehow or another he got number back and called to see if it was her so that he could tell her to stop calling him, he was really done with her . . etc.

It just doesn't jive right to me . . but I am trying to believe him when he promises nothing is going on anymore. He didn't have any marks on him anywhere and he seems to really be different this time.

We've kind of hit a brick wall this weekend because he's getting so frustraighted over this training issue . . that it's making him cranky.
I am just trying to stay upbeat and keep the mood light.
Today has went really well . . .despite his bad mood I have stayed VERY positive.

I am having a problem keeping my smart remarks to myself.
I just can't seem to bite my tongue hard enough to keep them from slipping everytime.
I'm still a work in progress and I told him that I was still on myself and I would appreciate it if he could just have a touch of patience with me.

Well I imagine I should get going . . . .
If I remember lots more I'll let you know . . otherwise I'll be around tomorrow with the rundown on the rest of tonight and tomorrow.