Quote: For one thing the way he values me has nothing to do with ME not feeling good enough . . . why would it.
My thought was that you not feeling good enough had something to do with him valuing you - sort of a bid for his attention/love/affection, etc.
Quote: It's the way I feel about myself . . . it equates with low self-esteem.
Is this how you want to define yourself? You've given this a name, do you plan to allow it to stick around for ever?
Quote: It's a real problem area for me obviously. It's something that I do plan to reall work on.
The most profound way to start this "work" is by changing your language. Use positive language, especially in your internal dialogues. Think about your story, the way you would tell it if you wanted it to sound really bad, then the way you would tell it if you wanted it to make you look really good to someone. Go back and read your posts about your story here and see which version it's closer to. The language you use has a HUGE impact on your perspective. If you wanted someone to think you had a GREAT weekend ahead of you, without lying about circumstances, what would you say about it? Start forcing yourself to think about it that way. Focus on any and every positive there is to look forward to. There's always some good in every sitch.
Quote: I do understand that I am in far greater position than most that are here. Because he is still around. I am just having the problem choosing to see good I guess.
Nope, you're not having a problem choosing, you're just not doing it - do you see the distinction? Your choice of words proves just how willing you are to label yourself negatively - you're not having problems doing anything. You're wonderfully courageous to take on something as difficult as this. Choose to see the positive in the situation - recognize that you have this choice, that choice is all around you, and you will be one step closer to being in control of your fears.
Quote: I would really rather just skip this weekend. It's too late now though. I wish I would have just asked him to NOT come home. I really don't feel ready to tackle all of this . . .
Would you really prefer not to see your H this weekend, or would you rather not have to deal with the anxiety? Would you prefer to spend your life cowering in fear, or find a way to be excited about your life? I understand why you're scared - we all are. Allowing fear to motivate your thoughts and being will eat you alive. This is in your control. There's no time like the present. Go into this KNOWING that no matter what happens, you'll learn from it, you'll be a better person. Trust yourself to be better than you expect.
Quote: I do plan to DB this weekend and keep on my "happy face".
Great - practice that happy face from now until then, and beyond. Put some happy, positive, strong thoughts behind that happy face too!
Quote: Let me just THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! I'm glad you too took the time to be honest with me! God knows I need it!
No, thank you for being so honest with us. Your honesty allowed me to articulate something that has truly helped me out today. I certainly appreciate your impact on my day.
You're not a broken person that needs fixing, you're a perfect form that has been overrun with polluted constructs that disguise your inner beauty. We all are. Trust that beauty to come out, and be right.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
