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What is your motivation for thinking this? Do you think this kind of self pity will cause your H (or us) to tell you that you ARE good enough? Will him telling you this make you believe it, or make it true? Or will you continue to dig around and find things to feel bad about in order to get this sort of response from your H?



Not sure why I do it honestly. No I don't want him to tell me anything it doesn't prove anything. I do understand that no one but me can truly change the way I feel about myself.
For one thing the way he values me has nothing to do with ME not feeling good enough . . . why would it.
It's the way I feel about myself . . . it equates with low self-esteem.
It's a real problem area for me obviously.
It's something that I do plan to reall work on.


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If there is one thing you can walk away from this situation learning, learn that no one can tell you whether you are good enough or not. You need to know it, through your own very capable tools of self evaluation - and if you're not good enough (in the sense of skills, etc - because EVERYONE is good enough as a person), make yourself better. Taking personal responsibility for your life and happiness is the most important step to actually achieving it.



I think I already started to say this but as I was reading your post I agreed with pretty much everything you said and even found myself saying, "I know that." outloud.
I understand that I am responsible for my own happiness.
Once again it's one of those things that I really need to work on and plan too.

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You are really in a great position right now. Recognize that you have the choice to see so much GOOD right now. Choose to see the good. Everytime you choose to see the bad (you are afraid that you will see OW when you see H, etc) recognize that you CHOSE to see that, and you could have chosen to see something good in the experience (I will have the opportunity to appreciate my H - to love him). I know it's difficult to do this, to say the least. The pain is real and can be consuming. You do have power over it, however. You can choose to use it to keep you in this trap, or to liberate you and set you on a personal journey towards all the good in your life.



I do understand that I am in far greater position than most that are here. Because he is still around.
I am just having the problem choosing to see good I guess.

I would really rather just skip this weekend. It's too late now though.
I wish I would have just asked him to NOT come home.
I really don't feel ready to tackle all of this . . .

I do plan to DB this weekend and keep on my "happy face".

Let me just THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! I'm glad you too took the time to be honest with me! God knows I need it!