Quote: If you were anyone else, posting at a different point in your sitch, i.e. early on, I would tell you that you are making this affair all about you and that's a mistake. The longer you think of it as something he did TO you instead of something he did in SPITE of you, the harder it will be to forgive him, or even to move on without forgiving him...
THAT'S EXACTLY IT!!! You hit the nail on the head. I feel like it was done to me.
I know that these feelings are things I am doing to myself. I don't like that!
Quote: That seems like it's mostly in YOUR head right now. Am I wrong?
No you're totally right. I honestly believe that he isn't seeing her anymore. I truly believe he ended their relationship. I also truly believe that he is starting to go through the motions (ACT as you said) of trying to put us back together. BUT . . . I cannot seem to let go of the PA . . . sure talking to him on the phone and acting like everything is fine is easy. That's REALLY simple for me. I don't have to think about the affair . . . because I don't have to look at him . . . there's not even an opportunity for a hug or kiss or cuddle moment to come up.
Quote: Why not? Because you're afraid he may hurt you again?
Sure that might be part of it. BUT more it has to do with physical closeness. I just feel like she's inbetween us. I am MORE worried about him comparing us in different ways. I am sooo uncomfortable with him already (like I said talking on the phone is easy) and he's not even here. I just keep thinking that maybe I'll never feel his touch again . . and maybe that wouldn't be so bad . . because then at least he couldn't compare us.
ONCE AGAIN . . . I know these thoughts are in my head. But I would rather be given a good hard shaking by RB than start lying to you all like I try to everyone else
I am trying to smile and relax. I am trying to work through some of these feelings tonight so that I don't make it tense. He's not worried. I told him I worried about things being tense. He told me not worry we'd be fine. . he loved me . . etc. So I didn't go into big detail with him about how I didn't want to get near him etc.
What keeps going through my head, "How could I ever be with him in a loving manner after he has been with someone else."
WRONG I KNOW . . . afterall the whole time the PA was going on he and I were still together. And frankly it makes me feel FILTHY!!!
