Quote: The OW tension is the tension that I am worried about.
That seems like it's mostly in YOUR head right now. Am I wrong?
Quote: I want him to come home and see his new daughter. Very much so . . . he hasn't seen her since she was about 2 hours old. I am looking forward to spending time with as a friend I mean sort of. I really have been enjoying all the time we've been spending on the phone.
Ok, so focus 100% on these positive feelings. Just make it all about this!
Quote: I just don't want him near me. I mean maybe I'm really not ready to see him yet. I don't want any level of intimacy with him (I mean even just sitting on the couch together.). I don't know why but I am just dreading him being in the same house.
If you were anyone else, posting at a different point in your sitch, i.e. early on, I would tell you that you are making this affair all about you and that's a mistake. The longer you think of it as something he did TO you instead of something he did in SPITE of you, the harder it will be to forgive him, or even to move on without forgiving him...but you're NOT at the beginning of your sitch and probably already know that.
Focus on the positives about this meeting. Let him see his D and try to let it be about that.
Quote: I'm not sure how to address this issue though. He wants us to move on and stay married. He seems to honestly be trying to work on things this time. He's been very sweet and he honestly seems to want to try.
You KNOW trying ain't good enough but it IS something. You could always just take his effort to heart and SEE if there is something to build on. So far, his actions of acting sweet and opening up to you suggest that he is trying to ACT as well as talk.
Quote: I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel like there is no point in trying . . . but I don't want the closeness that comes with being married I guess.
Why not? Because you're afraid he may hurt you again?
Quote: I did want to know about it. Even if it broke my heart . . . I felt I needed to know some version of the "truth" (notice how I keep putting it in quotes. I know that he probably will never give me the whole truth about the affair . . but I'll settle for the half truths that I am getting.)
Why do you NEED to hear the truth? You KNOW the truth. He had an affair. Period. The details of it, whether you learn them from him, or by snooping, will only serve to deepen your pain, not ease it. Most of us only want to know the truth because somewhere deep inside we believe the truth is better than what we imagine happened...most of the time it's not.
Quote: I told him that I had read about openness helping couples work through it. That's part of the reason he opened up about things. I didn't push him I only told him that it was something for him to think about when he was ready. Well obviously he felt ready to share with me because we've started to talk about it.
It seems like he is reacting to you taking initiative with this healing process. He is taking YOUR cue and doing things YOU have discovered may help. That is all part of standing up for yourself. This is a very good thing.
Smile. You are doing better. Just relax if at all possible and remember that at one time, this was something you wanted with all your heart. Don't discount that just because he seems to finally be ready to want you back.
