The OW tension is the tension that I am worried about. I want him to come home and see his new daughter. Very much so . . . he hasn't seen her since she was about 2 hours old. I am looking forward to spending time with as a friend I mean sort of. I really have been enjoying all the time we've been spending on the phone.
I just don't want him near me. I mean maybe I'm really not ready to see him yet. I don't want any level of intimacy with him (I mean even just sitting on the couch together.). I don't know why but I am just dreading him being in the same house.
I feel like I've finally started to put some of the feelings about the PA out of my mind and he'll just bring them all back up.
I'm not sure how to address this issue though. He wants us to move on and stay married. He seems to honestly be trying to work on things this time. He's been very sweet and he honestly seems to want to try. I don't want to hurt his feelings and make him feel like there is no point in trying . . . but I don't want the closeness that comes with being married I guess.
Moving on . . . .
Quote: A couple things. First, from what I know/have read, the "truth" only really helps if the LBS feels the need to know. Otherwise it can be a way the WAS tries to make themselves feel better because at least they "told the truth" now they can go back to being an a-hole. My W did this and openly admitted it. She couldn't hold it in anymore and felt much better after telling me. Of course I felt like crap but who cares.
Second, he told you what he wanted you to know. I sincerely doubt what you heard was 100% true, nor complete. I don't say that to make you angry or doubt him, just to point out that believing this kind of truth is akin to believing that he'll NEVER love you again. The "believe almost nothing that they say" line cuts both ways I'm afraid.
The important thing here is that he opened up to you and shared some things that were NOT safe to share with you. How did you react when he talked about these things? If he tries to do this again, just make sure you listen and validate as much as possible. No matter what, it's probably hard for him to open up like that and how you react can either encourage or discourage it in the future
I did want to know about it. Even if it broke my heart . . . I felt I needed to know some version of the "truth" (notice how I keep putting it in quotes. I know that he probably will never give me the whole truth about the affair . . but I'll settle for the half truths that I am getting.) Like you said at least he's being open on some level.
I told him that I had read about openness helping couples work through it. That's part of the reason he opened up about things. I didn't push him I only told him that it was something for him to think about when he was ready. Well obviously he felt ready to share with me because we've started to talk about it.
Quote: No, not in my opinion, but then again, I have admittedly NOT done the leg work RB has done and don't know anything previous to or beyond this thread. I think you need to learn to stay in a difficult situation and remain self-sufficient and gain some self-esteem. I think it's natural for you to want to change things when the times get rough, and by changing, I mean give in to whatever direction seems like it will make things better overall, even if it makes things worse for you. You can be in this R and still make the changes we are suggesting. You can read the books, implement their suggestions and still have contact with H. He will see your changes and then, well, it's kinda up to him. There's something about leading a horse to water...
Thanks for the opinion. I hope that the jury all comes back with same answer!
