This may sound like a relatively old hat around here patting himself and the other "old-timers" on the back but I need to just say that what Frank, Amy and RB are trying to do here is one of the most aggressive, passionate, and wonderful things I have seen around here in awhile. That's saying a lot because there are dozens of good deeds done here daily.
Now, as for your contention that you simply don't know how to help yourself. I remember you stating in the post where you seemed to be giving up that you said no book would help you and that you were bad at taking advice. You need to try to open your mind a bit more.
I'll relate something my C said to me about my W's refusal to go to therapy or read anything about relationships. My C said that my W was a long time student (a few degrees including a masters) and must understand the value of education yet when it came to learning about one of the most important things in her life, herself and her relationships, she assumed she already knew everything. My C said that my W thinking she knew all she needed to know about life in that respect was like her walking into her master's level classes and proclaiming that since she watched cop shows, she already knew all she needed to know about criminology (her major). It was absurd to say the least.
My point is that this is the time when you really need to read as much as you can, obviously starting with Divorce Remedy and moving on. If you're like me and either don't have the time or inclination to read a lot every day (used to read ALL the time but time is short these days) then make the best purchase of your life and get an iPod if you don't already have one. Many of the books we talk about here are available on audible.com and you can download them right to your iPod and listen to them anywhere.
In terms of HOW to help yourself, well, the first step has been taken. You now WANT to do that. Once you want to, the how to is not as hard. I think becoming aware of yourself, the things you do, say and react to in life is one of the more powerful things you can do right now.
We will offer you a lot of generic advice from time to time so one of the best things you can do RIGHT NOW is ask the questions that relate to your NEXT move. If you are wondering what to do 3 hours from now, i.e. he's coming home from somewhere and you want to talk to him about xxxxx but are unsure if it's a good idea, post the question and hopefully someone is around to answer you.
I got a LOT of help early on, and even now, being "talked down from the ledge" so-to-speak by people here. I was about to do a ton of foolish or damaging things in my R and I was stopped or redirected by the kind, caring people on this board.
RB, Amy and Frank are three of the very best when it comes to giving it straight and caring enough to really try to help you. I truly hope you take the same amount of time and effort to try to learn to help yourself as they have in trying to help you.
Remember what they ALL said. We are here for you. We WILL try to help you and if you don't find the answers you are looking for in the books we suggest, or the posts we make, please, ask. There is NO stupid question. We may not be able to answer all of them, or may direct you to try to answer them yourself, but you'll always be the better off for asking.
