Quote: Again I don't feel that it's that I lack the courage or the want to change . . . it's that I lack the knowledge of how to change myself. I don't know how to fix the anger and the hurt that I have carried around with me for so long (this is stuff that was most definately wrong with me before he and I EVER met.)
You might want to consider therapy. Maybe some one-on-one work with a professional could help you learn how to let go of the past and move on with your life. You are so young and have so much ahead of you -- with or without your H.
I think it's wonderful that so many people are reaching out to you. Please, if nothing else, really think about the things that have been said here. No one is saying it's all your fault, or that your M has no chance to be healed. But there's a lot of work to be done, and some of it falls on you. All of us who are DBing are working on ourselves, not just our marriages.
