Forgiveness?????

[RBinBR]

I didn't realize that it was all my fault the marriage crumbled!
I can't fix myself. . .

Emily, go back and read the third post of mine about your H. Of course I never said that it was all your fault -- I discussed his issues at length and tried to help you understand them in a way you might not have previously viewed them. He's responsible for his actions, and his actions have been absolutely horrible.

The question is: can you get beyond the issues of fault and blame to start building a better you and a better life as a result? Are you going to take charge of your life, or are you going to live it as a victim?

AmyC has prodded you several times previously about how you are going to change yourself, and you've ignored her. That's why I was afraid that you would dismiss this. It is to your credit that, in your most recent post, you express that you ARE willing to work on your issues.

I really identify with both you and your H in different ways ... I guess that's why I was so drawn to your sitch. Studying your sitch has really helped me reflect more on issues in my own life that I need to address. I hope you can see that I didn't spend over 10 hours on your sitch to try to hurt you -- it's because I see so many wonderful things in your life that would really blossom if you can address a few issues.

It will take true courage to change, but you can. Do you want your H to change? What does it say if you will not?