BUT, you're running away with the lame excuse that you can never change. My H does the same thing. Like your H, my H has the same issues....lots of insecurity and self-hate that preceded me, feelings that he was never loved well, and I added to that with the nagging and looking down, and wanting him to be the man I had in my mind (like RB said, hurtful but true). I am immesely regretful for things I have done, but this is H's issues as well.
You, like many others in similar sitch's, including myself, are going through a phase like in MLC....where you "wake up" and feel horribly depressed at what you squandered, and how much you destroyed and how damaged it is. I went through that for months and I still do. Know that your H will also go through the same thing when he "wakes up." as well.
None of us meant to make such hurtful mistakes in our M. None of us ever started out that way. I went to a wedding this weekend and was remindeded of the newness and freshness we had that day, and now look at the mess we made.
It's all part of NOT being mindful and conscious in your every move, each day.
You owe it to yourself, your kids and your H, as a friend, to stay here, and work through your things. You will just pass this along to the kids, stick with it to show your kids that people do have integrity, grow up, change and make things work....most of all, show them compassion and forgiveness.
This is YOUR life now....do you want to go through it knowing that you never changed? How many more "wake up calls" do you need?
We care about you here, and we want to see you healed and changed.
Just give us a few months, of earnest effort and help, and then decide. OK?
