Forgiveness?????

[RBinBR]

Hi Emily, and welcome to our side of the board. You've been posting a lot on your other thread.

First of all, I'm very sorry for what you are going through. Here, just about everyone is in a similar place.

I just keep wondering what I did to drive him away from me and into her arms.

Is that really the question? Their must be issues that you can identify in your R that you feel contributed to the emotional distance between you that allowed the A to happen. You can, of course, go to joint or individual counseling if you really want to start figuring this out.

I apologize if you addressed this in an earlier post, but what is his family situation? Are his parents divorced or in a bad M? What previous R's did he have before you? I do think understanding "why?" is important.

Obviously, your biggest problem is detachment. Here's a good detachment exercise: don't answer the phone the next time he calls. Be too busy doing something fun. Get back to him a couple of hours later laughing, or just wait for him to call again.

More questions for you: do you think your H still considers you attractive? Did you ML much when you were pregnant? I'm asking because your H has basically said that the A was about sex.