quote:I am struggling right now with the need for me to contact her. I want her to know that because of her my kids had to find out what their father has done. I was able to keep things from them in the past, but she was the last straw. Because of her, he now has to face his children's loss of respect. She has no children. She had nothing to lose by playing games with my H.
I also want her to know that my H has been in an emotional crisis for 2 years and that she was simply an escape for him. She did nothing for him except make his life more miserable as he got more and more confused. There are many things I'd like to tell her. I know everyone here will tell me to forget her. She's not the problem, just a symptom. But, you all know how I feel, I hate to let people get away with things. It did make me feel S-O-O-O good when I confronted OW #1. It was something I needed to do for myself.
What would contacting OW accomplish? Except to give her the knowledge that this has hurt you and she couldn't care less about what you or your husband are going through-all she cares about is herself-and nothing you say will make a difference.
You give her power when you contact her, and that's power you don't have to spare.
I never spoke to the OW. As far as I was concerned she wasn't worth speaking to, and she was nothing but dirt under my feet.
Besides if you contact her, you could open a can of worms that might NEVER be closed as she would get a great deal of joy out of YOUR pain.
One more thing; the responsibility for keeping the door closed on this affair is your husband's, not yours, and it is ONE of the many lessons of CONTROL you must still yet learn; for you can control yourself, but not HIM.
You are NOT his mother and you have to learn to allow him to keep the door shut on this. The decision is HIS alone.
SHE WAS A SYMPTOM of a greater problem not ALL of it, Matilda, for heaven's sake, let her go, and get on with your life.
I, myself, struggled with it, too, and was brought to this SAME understanding I'm passing on to you. You will save yourself much heartache in the long run, by simply ignoring her.
Your husband is letting you know when/if she calls and that should be enough.
*edit*
quote: But, you all know how I feel, I hate to let people get away with things. It did make me feel S-O-O-O good when I confronted OW #1. It was something I needed to do for myself.
You're going to get mad, but I now realize why he got OW #2--You didn't learn one of the lessons of Control, and so you had to recycle that one.
The lessons MUST be learned or you get to recycle until you do.
"The only person you can control in this life is YOURSELF."
Please don't make the SAME mistake again, Matilda.
