Hearts Blessing, Thank you so much for your post.SO much of it is true and I can see that sometimes he does withdraw from me-he tries not to show it but I can always feel it. Just little things like not holding me as tight in the AM before he goes to work-me trying subtly to ininitate sex-When he is that way I don't come on too strong because I don't want him to feel like he HAS to perform. I just let it go and know that he will come to me in a day or so. It used to upset me so much becasue I thought it meant it was that he was missing "her". I don't know if that's true or not, but I don't pressure or ask if he is thinking of her, because it could be so any other things and why put her in front of his face?? You said I will see him be more peaceful. What do you mean by that-give me some examples of how your H seemed more at peace please. I want to be looking for those times. He does seem happy for the most part.Friends have even commented on it. Its just the distance thing maybe like once or twice a week that I wish would go away, but I know it will-by he middle of the day when I talk to him he will probabvly be fine. One thing that has me concerned is that we talking in C about him reassuring me without me having to ask. The C pointed out that that is so much more effective than me having to ask for it. He agreed, but has not done it yet.I don't know why-he knows I need it right now. Of course my mind wonders and I think is he not doing it because he is still having contact with her and does not want to be a liar, or is it because he simply does not want to bring it up because it brings back feelings of guilt for him? I wish I knew the answer to that one. IT gets my anxiety going again just thinking about it and wondering if he is havig some kindof contact with her. When there is no sure way to know you just have their actions to go on. I wish he was a little more forthcoming with the reassurance,but that is where you said I would have to be paitent with him and I am. I am giving him all the admiration and affection I know how. I think he notices a difference in me in that respect. I did take him for granted for years,but not anymore. Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 47. This time last year he was in the middle of his A and I did not know it but I knew somethig was wrong. I hope he does not pull someting like Matties husband did by contacting her agian. I think he is really done with her from what he says and does. We all want absolute proof but there is none is there? It's very hard to rebuild the trust once it has been so betrayed, but I know it can be done. He is trying very hard, although he does not ever bring it up. Either I ask him for reassurance which I have not because I made a pact with Lily that I would not ask him for 21 days, or it is brought up in C, but our C does not want us to dwell on it but get to the part of rebuilding and finding those thigns we love about each other rather than me telling him every week how much he hurt me. He already knows this. I will jsut keep trusting, and like I said before- praying that God will turn all this into good, and that if there is anything I should know about that it will be made known to me. My feelings sometimes seem so real that I am just sure that he is talking to her, but more and more I realize we ALL have those feelings and that they are normal-it's because of the broken trust. Then I look hard to see if there is any indication that there is any proof of it and there never is except the ditancing once in a while. Most of the time our sex life is great. It's just before all this happenened all I had to do was touch him or look at him and he would be ready. Now its not ALWAYS that way, but that too I am told is normal.(In his defense, we were together intimatly 3 times over the weekend so maybe he needs a rest!) Thank-you again for responding. I am tring to be strong through this and do the right thing and I need everyone's help here on this board to help with my PMA which is not too good right now and to tell me not to go by my FEELINGS all the time because I am so hurt and mistrustful still. Please resppond when you can about the peaceful things you see in your H and how you handled it when the Feelings of mistrust came up. Thanks so much! Rachael M.
