((((MATILDA))))!! You know that I am here for you!! I think that you are one strong,brave and teriffic lady!! You have been through so much and you have really handled things well in my opinion!! You have shown your H unconditional love through all this and he knows that and I believe in my heart that your love will see him through!! Yes,he is messed up emotionally but he is aware of it and knows he needs help...that's a big step! It is wonderful that he opened up to you and told you everything and even made himself vunerable through tears (my H did the same thing and believe me I know how difficult it is to watch such a strong man in tears!!)!! I know you feel that you let him down along the way in your R but that is still no excuse for the things he did. I realized that I was responsible for a lot of my H's unhappiness and his feelings at the time of his A but that doesn't mean I am responsible for him cheating! I did try to assume the blame at first but then I woke up to the fact (and my H also told me) that I may have been making my H unhappy but I did NOT make him go out and have an A!! You may have made some mistakes with your R but you are human...humans aren't perfect and people make mistakes. Don't beat yourself over past mistakes..learn from them and don't let them repeat themselves. Your H made a lot of mistakes too. Now he is having to pay for them. You are showing him that REAL LOVE is forgiving and caring!! It does sound like your H needed to learn the meaning of REAL LOVE and now he is. I always felt my H never really knew what love was because of his past. I thought I was showing him but when things got a little rough he took that to mean that I really didn't love him like he thought. By forgiving him and working on the problems and not constantly berating him for the A I have shown him what REAL & TRUE LOVE IS!! You are really doing great and I am really very very proud of you and I admire you so much!! You just keep moving in the direction you are going I feel in my heart that things will continue to get better and happier for both of you!! As always I am praying for you and your H!! Your Friend, Pat