Hi there; thanks for sharing your situation and how you and your wife are building a new ship. My husband left me one year ago and although he didn't want a divorce, I do and it's going through July 24th.
Something I can really identify with is your feelings of uncertainty of what you can expect from her, on a social basis. That's exactly the position I was always in with my X. I did the pursuing and the planning and he was as aloof as a cat on on Paxil. This always left me feeling insecure.
So good on ya for developing your own life...you deserve that. Someone on this forum told me whenever I feel scared about what my X might be up to, take a bath, go for a jog, call a friend, do something nice for myself. I LOVE that advice. I hope you will do something nice for yourself too. take care!
