I've been gone for awhile, but now I'm back. I have been lurking for awhile, but I decide to finally start my own "db journal again."
Well in case people don't know, here is my sitch.
xW: 27 me: 28 s6 (not xW biochild, but been around since birth)
My M got horrid. It consisted of abuse, infidelity, lying, finger pointing, etc etc. Neither party was innocent of these things. I also had an extremely hard time finding work after 9/11, but all of that has changed.
if you would like to see my old threads, you may search for thehighlyeducatedone and look them up to chart my progress.
Well basically my BIG D was last year. Since then, I was in one R with another person, but I never stopped communicating with xW. I was just trying to deal with the hurt and pain. It did nothing but retard my ultimate goal of repairing my M.
Well basically now, I have my own place and xW has hers. We have communicated almost nonstop for the past year give or take a month or so.
Recently, we just began physical contact again. She often comes by my house and spends the night or we watch movies, or we talk on the phone.
I finally GAL. I have other friends that I go out with. They understand my sitch and what I"m trying to do and I have no physical contact with them other than maybe just friendly hugs.
I go to church consistently now. I spend alot more time with my son and I have been rebuilding a once tumultuous relationship with my mother.
I think xW has started to see me differently. She has been able to turn to me with a few financial/emotional probs as well as me just working on myself.
My family and friends all see a changed man. I have worked so hard to get to this point, but the work still lies ahead.
my xW still cannot tell her family that she is even seeing me. She used to oonsistently involve them in our sitch and they resent me because they have only heard one side of it. NO matter. I'm not in this to please them, but I only hope that xW will eventually be able to tell them where the heck they can go because that's one of the reasons I don't visit her place (they still live close by and stop by often).
xW and I pretty much were both celebate until about 2 weeks ago. I had been celebate for 7 months and she said she had been celebate since the last time we were intimate (june of last year).
Is everything perfect? Heck no. We still argue. WE still have problems, but the thing is I've changed. I rarely take the bait and I've gotten pretty good at avoiding allowing myself to be stuck in cheeseless tunnels and I've been pretty effective at knowing when to go dark (be it for a few hours or even a day sometimes) and when to go light.
Do I not always db the way I should? No. Do I mess up? Yes. Do I still wish my wife and myself were married? Yes. Do I get frustrated with her alot? Yes.
But the point is there is light at the end of the tunnel for those who think that a D is just the end of everything.
WE still have alot of issues/probs to resolve, but I think we'll eventually sort it all out. But I have a life now and I'm enjoying it.
And this board did help alot. I got alot of good advice from alot of people and for that I am truly grateful
