Quote: I read this as she should TELL him how she feels about what he is saying. I consider that to be pretty fruitless.
You're so right about this... and it was a trap I fell into over and over for 9 months. Now when he says these things (even if they still do throw me for a loop) I do respond with some non-commentary 'oh' or 'really?' or something similar. You and Spark and Lou are so encouraging, it makes me feel a sense of relief to just read these posts. And since you all are so wise.. I have a question that is puzzling me...
My H and I are now D. Can a D open up a R more? Can that sense of non-pressure to MAKE a R work... actually bring you closer? Perhaps... can there be the need to completely detach, or de-enmesh? (is that a word?) I know that all R's are different. All have their own circumstances. And I have to say, of course, this is ALL new to me. But I was wondering if before there were the 'he/she done me wrong' grudges being held, unforgiveness being stewed over... if by renting apart... it lets out the poison... and lets the healing begin? Just an idea.
It has been a pleasant surpise that over the last few weeks we both (me included) appreciate one another more... see what we saw in one another when we first clapped eyes on each other... along with, of course, the added benefits of already knowing each other.
I'm not saying that I am NOT running the gambit of emotions... tears come for no particular reason... and when I think I should be crying (like my first night alone in my apt)... there were none.
So is it crazy for me to keep that hope alive that we will get back together? I think it would be more crazy for me to lose that hope. But in the meantime; I become stronger everyday. I become stronger for me... and no one else!
And in an aside... I have to say that we are both getting a kick out of confusing the people around us... as in, they know we are divorced but they see us hanging out, shopping, getting along really well.
When they ask what is going on (they believe we should be hostile and hateful toward each other) I smile and tell them... 'well, H and I... we have never done anything the way it's supposed to be done!
