Hi Spark! Your comment to WIL that I responded to was
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Have you spoken to him about how this behaviour confuses and upsets you?

That was not a question posed to him. I read this as she should TELL him how she feels about what he is saying. I consider that to be pretty fruitless. I mean, the woman has moved out-- I think that is a very strong statement about how she feels. And besides how she feels is really none of his business at this point. To me just telling him that she's confused will only open herself to being vulnerable and won't give her any information.

Unless I'm reading you wrong, my impression is that you'd like WIL to find out if in her H's mind, the door is closed and locked as to any future R between them? I doubt if he can answer that right now, and besides, if she insists that he commit now either to ending the R or to future reconciliation, either he or she might change their minds about that down the road. IOW his answer right now to that question won't give her the certainty you'd like her to have, kwim?

This is early days yet. I think this pot should be allowed to simmer for a while without lifting the lid. It's up to WIL to make her choices and decisions for the near future WITHOUT any consideration of what her H's position is. To find out where SHE stands, regardless of where he stands.

WIL, this can be uncomfortable, but an adventure, too! Expect to run through a whole range of feelings throughout the day, every day.

This is what I wrote on chrome's thread about how to recognize when it's your ego talking and when it's your Higher Guidance. Remember, panicky, catastrophizing thoughts are NOT from God/Higher Self. Your divine inner guidance "speaks" calmly and lovingly, without much emotion attached. So if you have wild, scary thoughts, or shaming, failure thoughts, that is your ego talking. Nothing wrong with that as long as you know where it's coming from-- just remember that the ego thrives on excitement, and will stir up excitement just for the heck of it. Your ego is not the source of wisdom. It would be like going to a two-year old for therapy-- not much wisdom there. Dwelling on what your H did wrong, lamenting the wrong turns in the road, "what ifs," "he done me wrong"-- are also from the ego. Not saying it's untrue-- just that it doesn't make you wiser or help you find serenity or find yourself.
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CHARACTERISTICS OF DIVINE GUIDANCE

Charitable attitude-
-universal innocence,
-always kind and respectful to me and others
-anything that belittles is not divine guidance
-fair and constructive, not abusive and shaming

Calm
-confident
-no catastrophizing about danger, trouble
-no panicky thoughts

Tolerance
-displays little interest in mistakes of other people
-criticizing others is ego's way of distracting us from our own need for correction
-everyone is entitled to make his/her own decisions and experience the consequences of those decisions
-no legitimate reason to interfere with people who make different choices unless it leads to criminal behavior that impinges on the freedom and well-being of others

New perspective or new information
-may be surprising or "come out of left field" (because higher guidance view is radically different from ego view)

I love this idea: (even though it's from Dr. Laura )
Quote:

Excitement is fear mixed with hope-- the ego craves this



I had a great insight the other day. My life has had WAY too much excitement. As a child, and really through my teen years, I lived in almost constant fear and anxiety. And it occurred to me that when I introduced "hope," into this formula, what I got was excitement. If I can relieve the fear, I can have pure hope... which is what I really want.