this is Baffled ... and yes... I changed my name... just didn't seem appropriate any longer...
So as of June 16 I am a single woman for the first time since I was 18 years old. (If you don't count the 2 months 17 years ago... and we won't...)So now I am in the process of moving out... it's taken about 2 weeks and I'm probably, subconsciously, prolonging the time when I have to be ALONE!
I feel peculiar, but I would imagine that's normal right? Everytime I move things into my new apartment -- my stomach hurts. Everytime I do something at the house, I think, this time next week I won't be doing this anymore. And the one thing I keep thinking is... I DON'T WANT TO DATE! I DON'T WANT TO DO ALL THAT RELATIONSHIP DANCING THAT I HAD TO DO WHEN I WAS... geez... in frigging high school! I don't want to deal with it! I don't want to get HURT! I'd rather join a convent! Yeah... just say it... you're cute, you're short... but you're a egg-laying CHICKEN! Arhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Then, there's the fact that I keep getting all these mixed signals from my H or rather my XH. Hugs, kisses, alot more affection then I've gotten over the last 9 months... he was checking into a job in Montana the other day and told me he was going to call me up and see if I would run away with him and start all new with him! Yikes! I have no idea WHAT I would say if that actually happened cuz stupid, STUPID me... I still love the big dork!
So... I have no idea where this post is going... just felt like I need to let this corner of world know how random I felt life is. You wouldn't think this would be a huge revelation to me growing up the way I did... so why does it continue to surprise me? Why do I keep COUNTING on things in my life? Is it that freaking happy-ever-after fairy-tail crap we've been fed since children. Instead, the end of the book should have had Cinderella and Prince Charming living happily for a while until ole Charming decided he was missing out on all the adoring femaile subjects which landed Cindy and him in court dividing up the kingdom, castle and arranging vistation for the little princesses and princes. Geesh! At least it would have been more realistic.
Yeah... guess I'm sounding bitter. Sorry. But I try to look at the bright side... now I'll have all the time in the world to write... I love to write. Going to buy a laptop, sit in my living room and write my ass off! and I'm going to go get a massage once a month, if it kills me! and I'm going to... well... i don't know yet... but I'll think of some other stuff.. hehehe
Well... thanks for listening.. thanks for sharing... thanks for being... well... just thanks...
I'll be around... and like my XH says... you never know what's going to happen in the future...
PS... for all the women out there... I'm reading this book "Why Men Love Bitches"... not really what it sounds like, just about how to hold your own in a relationship... VERY interesting...
