Well, I just spent an hour with a very informational post. Don't have the strength to go into detail again.
It is over with this EA OW. He called her while I was on the phone. He still told me he loved her and not me in the way he should. I told him each time he said that a little more of my hope for our future gets stripped away, and there wasn't much hope left after finding out about the EA.
To make a very long story shorter, my H and I have been talking for almost 48 hours straight. He keeps tracking me down, grabbing me, and pushing me upstairs to lie on the bed and talk, all the while stroking my arm or face. Each time I didn't say anything. I just waited. He eventually started to talk and didn't stop for a long time. I did not interject anything, just listened and listened and listened. Then he's ask me a question, I started talking, and he just listened without interjecting. Do you think we've finally got it, folks!!
I didn't try to reason him out of his feelings. I just listened. Finally, he came to the point of saying he realized how stupid it was to say loved someone he hasn't seen in 30 years and who he doesn't really know. He realized those feelings were already diminishing the moment I found out, and then again after he talked to her with me on the phone. It was all just a fantasy they played out for each other and when it was found out it just wasn't fun anymore. And the more he had to say those things of not knowing her and not seeing her for 30 years, the more ludicrious it started to sound to him.
There is a lot more to this story. I'm tired now. But the best thing is that this morning when he came into my room, he asked me for a second (third) chance. He promised (looking me straight in the eyes, folks), that he was going to give everything he had this time to making it work. He promised our sons, too. He told me he loved me!! I didn't even have to ask him to say it. Best part was, I FELT the love this time. Wow. Then we made LOVE.
He warned me that his libido was not what it was like in the past. He did not want me to think it was me and that he was thinking of someone else. It was just what it was. He thought maybe it would return to the way it used to be, but if not, just chock it up to old age
I think God's handiwork is written all over the scenario of the past 4-5 days. I think he placed the xOW in front of me at Yosemite, which led me to wonder about what was going on, which led me to check H's VM's at work; which led me to the discovery of this EA OW; which led to H almost being thrown out of his home; which led to H having to face his sons with the sins he committed; and so on and so on. I think God said, " 'nuf is 'nuf, Mattie's H. She's had all she can take. It's time to finish this chapter of your M and move on."
My H finally had to come to terms with the ramifications and consequences of his actions. It's too bad it had to come to that. I've tried to protect him for that. In this case, I think that was a mistake. I think my H had to fully understand what he was going to lose and just how close he was to losing it.
Anyway, we have a lot of work to do still. I think -- no, I KNOW we are BOTH on the road to healing and recovery. H knows he has issues -- his issues-- that need to be dealt with. He will check into counseling.
We may go on a partial vacation afterall. Not sure yet, but if you don't hear from me I'm just out of town. Our kids said they think just the two of us should go alone. Don't know if we will. H came so very close to losing his family that I think he wants to keep us all close together.
Boy, Tuesday morning I felt my M was over. Today we're talking about continuing vacation.
