My family is in crisis. I stayed up until 3 a.m. this morning talking with my boys. The pain is so incredible now -- the shock is wearing off.
I do believe my H is in a full-blown MLC. He is the most confused, miserable person I've ever seen. He is just now fully coming face to face with the consequences of his actions.
I have not thrown him out -- for the boys sake. He is in the downstairs bedroom. Last night (and all of yesterday) we talked and talked. He kept reaching out for me. This morning when he heard me moving around upstairs he came directly up. Then he started the vomiting thing again -- remember, like just before the bomb last October. I started to cry because I can't stand to see him in such agony. Stupid, stupid fool that I am.
He then came back and laid on the floor. I told him it was okay to lay on the bed. I didn't say a word. He started talking about how F&*%ed up he was and how he just didn't know how to fix things. He had taken an anti-anxiety pill because his nerves were shot and he was trembling all over. He felt like he was going to vomit again and was trying to hold the pill down long enough to absorb into his system. I started to stroke his face and hair to try to calm him down long enough for that to happen. He told me my touch has always been special to him and very soothing.
