quote:Originally posted by matilda: Things are still going pretty well at home, at least on the surface. In fact, if I didn't "know" all that I know, I'd think we were a strong, happy, in-love couple. Sometimes I forget that we're not!!
Don’t you see? You feel natural doing things for him, and it feels natural when he does things for you. He does small thoughtful things.
Thoughtful.
OK. He has issues that he’s trying to deal with. But the fact that the plumbing is working better is an indication that he’s starting to work things out.
Hang on to your desire. Foster it. I don’t know how. To be honest, the same thing’s happening to me (losing it). But your H’s desire is on the upswing. Don’t get into a seesaw of he’s up… you’re down… you’re up… he’s down. It’ll drive you both crazy.
Pfroglady is right. You know your H better than anyone. Perhaps you’re setting the bar a little high on what that means. No-one. Not even ourselves knows us perfectly. You loved the person you thought he was. Well, Mattie. He is that person. Despite his faults.
I think the self-loathing that you describe is caused because his actions didn’t reflect the real him. That’s hard to deal with. It’s also hard for him to deal with the fact that you think of him in terms of his actions – especially his faulty actions rather than the real him.
