I've read a little of your story. What a true testiment to how one person make such a dramatic effect on another and on your R. I've become a true believer in "acting-as-if." In the beginning I used the technique for myself -- to help me get over the worst part of the aftermath of learning about my H's A. Now, I'm using the technique in order to help my H get over the aftermath of his A so that he can begin to forgive himself. It certainly seems to be helping us both.
Good luck to you and your H. It sounds like another success story in the making.
Pfroglady,
Well, I think I'm finally at the point where thoughts of the A are actually rare and insignificant. Who'd of ever thought it? I can finally say, just like you, that things are getting better and better -- at least for me. I think they are for my H, too, but one hard lesson I've learned through all of this is that I really don't have a clue as to what's going in my H's head!! I'm just trying to go by his actions at this point, and in that respect I really can't ask for much more.
Things have been pretty good in the intimacy dept. It's been a week since he had a "problem." With each "success" he's gained a little more confidence that the next time will be good, too. Consequently, we haven't gotten a lot of sleep this week
Last night there was a trailer for the 11 o'clock news that said "What people whose M's are in trouble should know." H was standing in front of the t.v. and I was in the kitchen. He turned to look at me with a funny look on his face. I just laughed. I walked over and put my arms around him and asked him if he thought our M was in trouble. He couldn't look me in the eyes (that's one of my goals -- to get him to be able to look at me again), but said, "Do you think it is?" I just laughed again and hugged him and said, "Yeah, can't you tell." I asked him again latter if he thought the M was in trouble and he said no. However, like I said before, at this point I can't really believe his words, just his actions.
We stayed up to see what it was that people in troubled M's should know. Someone had done a study that showed people who are unhappy should stay together because: 1) Divorce doesn't make people happier, usually causes more problems that it cures; 2) D usually causes more depression than it cures; 3) Situations that are causing problems in the M will usually change at some point, (i.e., job/money problems, etc.), and there was something else, but I can't remember. All things we DB'rs know already!!
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