I have often thought over the years that I love and care for my H more than he does me. He had a very bad childhood (had to learn to take care of himself when he was about 8 years old..learned early that he only had himself to depend on)and I feel that he never really knew what "real" love is all about. I started our M doing everything I could to show him that what a very loving,caring R was all about. Even when the kids came along I made sure he never felt 2nd place. Our problems began when I stopped doing alot of the "little" things I have always done for him. I stopped because he basically had stopped showing me or telling me how much he appreciated me and all that I did for him. He has always been basically selfish but that got worse. I shut down emotionally and that made him think that I no longer cared and that I didn't understand his needs. He figured he'd lost everything so why not have an A and try to find some happiness. He was amazed that I forgave him for the A. I tried to explain to him that my love for him was deep and strong and "unconditional" but I wonder sometimes if he really understands that. He seems to have just put all the unhappiness and the A out of his mind...I envy his ability to do that. I will never forget what happened but I no longer need to talk to him about it so I am sure he thinks I have also put it out of my mind. I "re-adjusted" my way of thinking and developed a "new attitude" about a lot of things. This has made ME happier. I did it for ME,not him!! He reaps the benefits but I feel better about myself. I no longer worry "will he do it again". I feel that if I continue the way I am going,he will have no need to "find happiness" somewhere else. I take things a day at a time now. I cherish all the time we have together now and no longer fret about long hours at work and time spent on the golf course. I enjoy NOW and will take care of tomorrow when it gets here. Will my M last another 33 years? God,I hope so but if it doesn't I know I will survive because I now feel good about myself,I have more confidence and I am a survivor!! You are a survivor Matilda!! You hae done all you can do to show your H love and caring. It is up to him to accept it for what it is or reject it. Love means different things to different people. Some say I "love too much" and maybe I do. But all I know is that I love my H and I love showing him how much. It makes me feel good to do "little things" for him. It sounds like he wants you to lose your temper and disagree with him sometimes. If that's what you used to do then by all means "be yourself"! Maybe he needs to see the Matilda of "old"!! Maybe that will make him feel that things are "back to normal". Maybe he thinks that you are "holding back" because you don't want to "upset" him. Maybe he just wants things the way they used to be. Oh,I do know that things will never be completely the same but I am talking about the daily,everyday normal things you both used to do. The main thing is that MATILDA IS HAPPY!! Do what you need to do for YOU!! Only you know what you can live with and what you can't. You can't live his life for him and you can't "make" him be happy. You can't "depend" on him to make you happy. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. You can do things to and for one another that gives happiness. If you love him...love him completely and with all your heart. Just remember that what constitutes "love" for you and your H isn't the same things that constitute "love" for other couples. BE HAPPY MATILDA...YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!
your friend,pfroglady