Does it really matter, at least in the short run? Hollywood paints such a ridiculous picture of love and marriage that it throws off our perspective. I am in a similar spot as far as the "is it love" question. I am pretty sure my W doesn't deeply love me right now but I have gotten over that. We have good times together, enjoy each others company, parent well together, and have good intimacy. On the surface it is great but I have little confidence that it is forever. I think we need to be happy for today instead of trying to be happy for a lifetime. Will it end tomorrow? Maybe, but why not be happy until it is over. Does my W have to love me for me to be happy? I used to think so, but not anymore. I am traumatized by even the thought of death because of something that happened to me as a child. Because of this I now start every day thinking that this could be the last day my W and I spend together on this earth. I try to operate on that premise. Sometimes that gets lost during the day but I at least try to start out that way. Why not be happy everyday with our SO until they are gone and then try to be happy without them. I don't want to ever lose my W but if she chooses to leave or the Lord takes her from me I will go on. It will definitely be different but it doesn't have to be worse. People will always come and go from our lives so don't count on them.
I see marriage and love seperately now. How many married people are truly in love and how many people are in love but not married? I am a business person and I now see M like a business partnership. Does it have to perfect? Not at all but we should make it as good as both partners can. We have memories, mixed families, and children together. Those items will be there forever regardless of the outcome. I don't need my W to love me to be married to her but I do need her to be a good "marriage partner"(good parent, good friend, good lover). We have invested a lot in our partnership so it is not wise to dissolve it at this point.
My W and I had quite a whirlwind romance early on and it is now being rekindled in this rough time. That "love" comes and goes depending on circumstances and I think some people expect it to be "magical" all the time. Here is the bottom line: Marriages are definitely not perfect but you have to determine is it "perfect enough" for me. I am personally content with mine and am doing what I can to make it better to give her the time to be able to say ILY again to me. It may never come but if I "feel" loved does it really matter?
