I've increased "dating" in all aspects. Wining and Dining and movies and flowers and cards and about everything I can think of.
We go to a lake most summer weekends where we stay over at our second home, entertain friends, and race sailboats.
We bought new bicycles to ride, but don't seem to get/take the time.
We have adopted a dog who we found out after the fact had apparently been abused and had some fear and agression issues. We have worked hard with him and are proud of his new found confidence and affectionate behavior.
The house I bought to restore before our marriage is now for sale, a deposit has been put down on a wooded lot and a home plan has been settled on.
The trip to Scotland for our fifth aniversary is only a couple weeks off and still being planned.
The physical relationship shows marked improvement in the past two weeks, though it was non existent for the two weeks before that. I'm trying to deal with the ongoing on and off cycle, but it's a bit much when dealing with the deceptions, the affairs and the long term sexual frustration while trying to build a future and wondering if it's only going to turn out to be good for her.
While she feels things are so much better, I'm still feeling abandonded much of the time and insecure the rest. My emotions lag behind changing conditions. When combined with the history of an on and off physical relationship this makes it hard to remain positive. About the time I feel an improvement, it's gone again for two weeks. I feel the "gone" much faster and much more accutely then I do the "return." I'd compare it to running up a credit card debt, struggling to pay it down, only to run it up again. You never get ahead.
Issues that only she can resolve do not seem important enough to get attention. A Dr. appointment that was delayed a month because she did not have time to make one. A desirable internal job change that was a shoe in, but went without a formal response for several weeks. She complains that she never gets enough sleep but she never gets ready for bed any earlier.
I know that all I can do is work on me. Make myself and better person and partner. But that will only go so far. It's only half of the solution. That's why I'm asking what to do next.
I do not claim to understand why she needs the gestures she needs. I just make sure that I make them on a regular basis. She admits that she does not understand why I need what I need. It ends about there.
