Dean,
You seem to have put yourself into that cramped box of " that's just the way I am... I can't change... I have no control..."

I find it odd that we as humans so readily accept the notion that our partners, friends, family, coworkers, employees... whoever... can and do change "for the worse"..."they've become a different person".... but are skeptical when anyone tries or talks about making changes in a positive direction... we think it's not possible.

IMHO the line between behavior and personality is very fine if there really is one. You say you are quiet and a thinker... I was too, still am to a degree. But I forced myself out of that comfort zone and started learning how to initate converstation and keep it going. I think it is more about self-image and confidence than a hard line personality trait.

As far as the 180's go... I truley think this is what Michele writes about... doing anything different sometimes will get noticed. And if there are things you would like to change... then do it... slowly. Feelings follow actions.

Maybe I'm off base, but I am hearing that you feel that things would progress faster if you could just get more physical intimacy into the mix. I can relate to this (going on 20 months without myself...ouch)... but I'll be darned if I'm gonna let myself stay stuck in that trap "if only". Like it or not... this will not play out on our time tables.

What makes you laugh... think hard... find the humor in situations even if you have to dig really deep. Next time you would normally clam up or stay quiet or get mad... find something/anything funny and laugh out loud.

There are a zillion books on how to start and contribute to casual chit chat. And one of my all time favorites for learning how to speak someone else's love language... things you can say or do to let someone else know they are loved is, "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

I don't know all your background and I am sorry if I am comming down too hard... it just seems that your vision has become a little tunneled. What I love about this board is that we all try to help each other and not just keep telling each other what we want to hear.

Hang in there,

U [Smile]