I guess I haven't gotten over the humiliation of the affair and feeling like I was so stupid. The thought of ever spending another moment in the dark like that again is so terrible that I want a deterent. If we split up without him lying to me 50-50 is fine. I would just HATE not knowing about an affair again.
Me not knowing probably saved our relationship. It gave him the chance to play the whole thing out and give her up before I ever knew. I would have left him until he figured it all out. If it happened again I would leave until he figured it out and DB from afar. I know that's not what many people here have done and more power to them.
I got so upset because my H got so far out of touch with me during this last job crunch that I knew he had all the cover he needed to have another affair. He had been working at home before during these crunch times. In the early days after I discovered the affair we were in constant communication. I don't need that I just need that everything is OK feeling that comes from some amount of communication. Now, I'm back on meds because during the crunch time I didn't want to ask for more communication because I was sure he would refuse me and I didn't want to be a pest. (I'd only been off the meds about 2 months). Yes, it would be good to get to the point where I stay in balance whatever he does. I think I could even handle another affair without completely loosing my marbles if there was a plan. I am affraid that I wouldn't protect myself very well without such a plan.
I am starting to feel better perhaps this idea will fade as I feel better--don't know.
