Hi All, Well I experienced first hand this weekend that while we are both piecing ... when they are having a bad time, how despite our efforts we can still get sucked into it. The W has been feeling under the weather thru the weekend. I tried to be supportive as much as possible.
I called my W Friday, to let her know I would be a little late due to the computer problems at work were causing a delay in getting payroll done. I was going to stop at the bank as it was payday for me as well (monthly) and get gas, when she expressed her disappointment, so I took off from work and went straight home. When I came home from work, W was in bed and D was lying on the couch with the sniffles watching TV. I made myself some dinner, cleaned up the kitchen from the day's meals. By then my W wanted something light to eat so I made her some eggs and toast. D developed a fever, so I stayed up with her until very late. Started to plead to sleep with us in our bed. Just not enough room for the three of us, so I set up her mattress at the foot of our bed and she finally settled down for the night. Because of the late night I stayed in bed to about 10 the next morning. W had already started the laundry. As I made my breadfast, W seemed peeved about something, but when I asked she said she was just tired. We were suppose to hits some sales today. I wanted to go to a model train show (yes...I still play with choo choo's ), but W just wasn't up to it. D was feeling much better, so I convinced her to go with me and allow my W some alone time. Was out for 3 hours and we had a fun time (D won TWO door prizes at show). Bought W a flower arrangement to help cheer her up and it did for a little while. W didn't do anymore on laundry while we were out so I took over and finished it. She planned stew for diner, didn't want to start it. D & I really had a taste for it, so I said I would make it. She decided to help put it together (her recipe). After diner, I started to clean the dishes. She said she would do them when she felt better. I piped in that it would be easier for me to stay on top of them now then letting them heap up for her to do latter. She helped rinse & dry while I washed. W was sleeping in bed by 8. I watched D until her bedtime, then read til I got tired.
Sunday, W was feeling better so we shopped some, then did our monthly groceries. When we came home, I started a wash of new shirts I bought, then we started putting the groceries away. My W put the cold "stuff" away and then left the rest (boxes, cans & bottles, bags, etc.) for me. W did place my new shirts in dyer as I then collected the monthly bills to be paid. Normally when we do them together it takes about half an hour. As I sat down at the kitchen table to work on them she went to watch some TV. After an hour, I still worked on the bills, she called for a pizza for dinner. My resentment built quickly. After all this weekend of helping her at every turn and the first task I do that I would appreciate some help with ( and she usually does ) , she ignores me. I let my bad mood show, and she wanted to know why I was angry. Recently, I would let it go to avoid the arguement, but not this time. We had our first fight since June. She felt she needed to rest and relax a little before dinner (pizza delivery? ), and we could had done bills later in the evening. I responded that in the evening I would need to get ready for work and after that would like to wind down a little before going to bed and that sitting at the kitchen table stuffing envelopes is not that exerting. She came back that she helped me by putting my shirts in the dyer for me. It came to me that we were starting to backslide in a way we haven't before, so I dropped it and kept my distance for the rest of the night. This was to prevent any further backslide as we both would continue to try to get the last word in.
This morning I woke up not feeling good so I kept a still kept withdrawn a bit but pleasant when she spoke to me. She ask if there was something wrong and I mentioned I didn't feel too well. She said so stay home. I said I was well enough to go to work. As I sat here reading the BB, it came to me that tonight I needed to go home and do what would be needed to make tonite better than the weekend has been. Then during my lunch I received a phone call from my W. She was calling to see how I was doing. . For years, she has never called just to see how I was doing! She is reaching out to me to show me she cares in ways she hasn't in a long time. She also noted we both weren't have a good day yesterday and it lead to the fight. It seems we both know now we need to turn the bad days back into good days ... at least we know were still on the same team.
P.S. Wasn't planning on this being so long a post and now don't have time to proofread. I apoligize in advance for any typos.
After a long time of having so many trials and tribulations in our R's, it's easy to forget about the differences between having a bad day, and having a bad relationship.
"It seems we both know now we need to turn the bad days back into good days ... at least we know were still on the same team."
That's cool!!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
kaw, there are bound to be bad days, at least you both know it was just thte day, the moods, not feeling good. As long as you can take the next day to reflect what went wrong and how not to keep the resentment inside. Funny my h and I have nevere really "fought". I don't know now if that has been good. Hope you are feeling better. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Sue
I haven't been able to be around much lately. Been having network troubles at work. Don't know when they will have that fixed and I don't usually visit this board from home, so I have kinda of lost track with everybody here, but today was our 18th anniversary and earlier in the year I had some very serious doubts if we would get to celebrate it. So when I read the card my W gave me today, I was just blown away.
To My Husband
We've made it through... Roller-coaster up and downs... Some pretty amazing twists and turns... Enough drama to fill a soap opera... A crash course in trust... Some real tests of faith... ... and what we have now is better than either of us could possibly have imagined.
Happy Anniversary I Love You
Will have to update more later. Hopefully it won't be to much longer before I can get caught up on this BB.
I notice there seems to be alot of DB anniversaries being acknowledged at this time of year.
I now have two anniversaries myself in the month of November. The first is our Wedding Anniversary of 18 years which I just previously mentioned and last week was the 1 year anniversary of the initial "Bomb".
I haven't posted much to my thread lately as I contemplated whether or not to start a new one. One of the things irking me lately is the title I origianlly selected. It is my first ( (and perhaps my only thread) , so I wanted something that would attract the attention of others as I was new. I felt somewhat undeserving to start in this forum then as most start in Newcomers for a while before turning the tide from D to saving the M. My tide turn out to be brief compared to most here, so I kinda wanted to reflect that in the title, but it just didn't seem to sit right.
Lately that is how I've been feeling, like things are not sitting right inside me, but I haven't been able to put my finger on it or find the words to express it, so I've been letting it go and haven't posted here. Nothing has changed much. W & I are getting along great, although this month has been particularly tough on W healthwise. Maybe it just has to do with what happen this time last year and how it is the origin of my personal he$$ I experience the first half of this year?
That's part of it too ... half a year is a meager slice of time to most here. Lately, I feel more uncomfortable posting here about my sitch as it seems most who reach this level cease to post threads and perhaps mine no longer belongs as well. As it seems more like I'm moving beyond piecing, this is no longer an appropriate forum to continue posting to. Not saying I will no longer be around. I will try put in my 2 cents where ever I hope it will help, just doesn't feel right posting a thread here anymore. Don't want to seem trite with my issues where most others here are dealing with more difficult ones.
KAW, I hate to see you go, Andy was not going to be around much either, it seems like we are losing "friends". But I understand what you are feeling and hope you will check in and give us some advice. Sue
), but W just wasn't up to it. D was feeling much better, so I convinced her to go with me and allow my W some alone time. Was out for 3 hours and we had a fun time (D won TWO door prizes at show). Bought W a flower arrangement to help cheer her up and it did for a little while. W didn't do anymore on laundry while we were out so I took over and finished it. She planned stew for diner, didn't want to start it. D & I really had a taste for it, so I said I would make it. She decided to help put it together (her recipe). After diner, I started to clean the dishes. She said she would do them when she felt better. I piped in that it would be easier for me to stay on top of them now then letting them heap up for her to do latter. She helped rinse & dry while I washed. W was sleeping in bed by 8. I watched D until her bedtime, then read til I got tired.
W did place my new shirts in dyer as I then collected the monthly bills to be paid. Normally when we do them together it takes about half an hour. As I sat down at the kitchen table to work on them she went to watch some TV. After an hour, I still worked on the bills, she called for a pizza for dinner. My resentment built quickly. After all this weekend of helping her at every turn and the first task I do that I would appreciate some help with ( and she usually does ) , she ignores me. I let my bad mood show, and she wanted to know why I was angry. Recently, I would let it go to avoid the arguement, but not this time. We had our first fight since June. She felt she needed to rest and relax a little before dinner (pizza delivery? 
), and we could had done bills later in the evening. I responded that in the evening I would need to get ready for work and after that would like to wind down a little before going to bed and that sitting at the kitchen table stuffing envelopes is not that exerting. She came back that she helped me by putting my shirts in the dyer for me. It came to me that we were starting to backslide in a way we haven't before, so I dropped it and kept my distance for the rest of the night. This was to prevent any further backslide as we both would continue to try to get the last word in.
. For years, she has never called just to see how I was doing! She is reaching out to me to show me she cares in ways she hasn't in a long time. She also noted we both weren't have a good day yesterday and it lead to the fight. It seems we both know now we need to turn the bad days back into good days ... at least we know were still on the same team. 
