I wish I could type something here that would change the way you feel, but you must find it within yourself!!! You have heard it all before from the best here (Andy, Lily, Matilda, Tree, Heart's Blessing, Tbone, etc...). You need to put some faith in what they are telling you.
For me, the turning point is when I posted:
Quote: Now how can we believe their commitment to this decision is for real and we can trust them? As long as we continue to act in the manner that is true to ourselves and attracted them to make the decision to love us again, then they will never have any reason to doubt the commitment they made to that decision.
I truely believe that. At first I wonder if the calm would last. I would wait in reserve for the little things that would trigger the coaster ride like watching the guy standing at the controls and pulls the lever. Now as these things pass, I internal look for the guy to pull the lever, but I discover there is no one standing at the controls anymore ... the coaster remains at a standstill.
The calm isn't obtained by anything you do, but by the belief that ... what you are doing ... will bring you closer to where you want to be. It doesn't seem to get address here directly enough, but we have to overcome our own self doubts if we are truely going to experience a closer R with our spouses.
