Kaw, I wish I had some of the calm you talk about having. How do you attain it. I have had anxiety disorder ever since my H moved out for 6 months and have still had it since he's been back, I can't seem to get the OW off my mind.
I wake up with it every morning-it's terrible. Sometimes all I can do it pace the floor its so bad. He says he's not having any contact with her, but he admitted to talking to her a couple weeks ago when she called. He opologised and said he would have no more but I guess I don't believe him hense all this anxiety. I thought when he came home I'd be so much better, but its not. I'm scared all the time tht something will happen and he will be gone for good this time. We are doing ok-by ok I mean we are getting along but its not how it used to be before all this happenend. He is apprehensive that I will change.
I already have so much, but he tends to focus on little bad things insteaad of the positive changes I've made. I have to watch what I say and how I say it. He gets very defensive. WE are going to C and that helps but I can't seem to shake my anxiety and its driving me crazy. I drink wine at night tocalm my nerves and I know that is not good but I get no relief except when I'm sleeping. I'm on meds and seeing a Dr. but even with all that the anxiety is so very bad.
I don't know how when you don't know if there is OW/OM people do it. Its constantly on my mind. IT has taken all the joy out of my life. I'm so tired of it all. SOrry to sound so down but I've been in such a bad place for so long I don't evven know anything else anymore. I am not down around him-I muster up the strenghth to be upbeat and appear happy when acutually I'm terrified. It's a terrible way to live. Rachael
