I was going to wait to post until after tomorrow when I will be able to report what the doctor has to say about my W's condition ... but ... OK, I admit it, I was having a little trouble seeing my thread being bump off the first page.
Nothing really new to report other there seems to be a transition occuring in myself. A sense of calmness has taken over. Small things that previously use to trigger the rollercoaster ride of anxieties (ie, car not in the driveway when I came home from work since she up and left in Feb., her "blue" moments, etc...) are no longer triggering. This week when I saw the car was not there, there was the fleeting thought of how that would make me feel, but the calmness would take over and thought came to mind "So what if she is not home?" and I even smiled to myself.
Tonite, W is having one of her "blue" moments. Previously, I would associate this with her having thoughts about OM or having doubts about being with me. Tonite, I simply asked if there was something I did or didn't do that contributed to the way she is feeling. She said no, not sure what was causing it. Felt like the walls were closing in again. I offered to watch D if she wanted to go out perhaps to the gym or something. She decided just to go to bed, stating that this will pass and she should be fine in the morning. Both of us have changed here. She use to believe once these feelings started that was plunging into a hole from which she wouldn't be able to climb out of. Now she feels it is something that will pass and tomorrow should be better. I in turn don't get upset ... offer comfort if she seeks it, and if not, such as tonite, just leave her be to deal with it on her own terms. The peace and calm are remaining within!
I also find myself shifting my focus in how I'm DBing. As we both seem to be becoming more comfortable in our new R, I find myself more concerned about slipping back into the old patterns. I seem to be reminding myself more and more to continue with the changes that I have found to work. It seems a new cliche is "A DBer's job in never done."
