[quote from Mattie's post:] ... can't help wondering if he actually "decided" to not love me for a while so he could be involved with other women.


The slow steady deterioration of the M had lead him to believe the M would not get any better. No, he didn't decide to NOT love you, but he did have doubts about his decision to love you could continue to last and those doubts became strong enough for him to act upon them to confirm whether they were true or not. Unfortunately for you and I, our S decided to find the answers by looking elsewhere. Mattie with your reaction to the discovery of the EA, you forced him to achnowledge that changes truely can be made to improve the way things are on the homefront. This allowed him to believe he can be happy again in his decision to love you and that is all he wanted in the first place! They do come around full circle. Now, to pull them off the circle so they don't repeat their actions is to break the cycle before they have doubts again. That is why the DBing principles must be practice for life. The determination to continue to do what works to bring you closer together is in fact ... to bust any doubts about the decision they made on why they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. I hope this clears it up a little better.

Here's an observation from this weekend that seems to support that they definately use selective memories to sway their thought process: We did go to the carnival on Saturday. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I made the comment that this carnival was nicer (better rides, petting zoo, etc..) than the one we went to in the spring at the same park. My W gave me a puzzled look and said, "We haven't been here before." How is it I can remember so vividly how we had picked her up from C session, spent the next couple of hours at the carnival ... when D was on a ride, we went to sit upon a couple of rocks ... W brings up how her C felt we needed to sit down with D and tell her "we" intend to split up. W ask how soon can we do this.

... but now as we continue to "piece", my W doesn't remember even being there. Something to ponder...

W ran out of Prozac on Friday, so she didn't have any for the weekend and steadily was feeling the effects of not taking it, but she kept reassuring me her "blues" had nothing to do with R. Sunday, we just spent a quiet day watching football (she is a Giant fan ) and cleaning doing the household chores together.

When she was off her meds was always a rough time. Before, she would neglect her renewals / refills. I would tell how she wasn't managing her meds properly and tell her once again how she needed to do it better. This would bring on her resentment. This weekend, I didn't mention anything at all about her running out of Prozac. Sunday evening she turned to me looked me in the eyes and said, "I know ... Monday I have to get to the doctor", I just asked "Would you be alright doing it on your own or would like me to be there with you?" She answered softly, "I'll do it." I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead and said OK with a smile afterwards.

Steph, Sue, and Bridget, thanks for dropping by and the kind words.