Hi all,
Wow ... what a week. I haven't felt this good in a looong time. Nothing was any different than last few weeks except where I was plagued with thoughts of insecurity daily, now I truely believe I have put those demons behind me as I have not felt them all week!!!
Only one note of concern this week. A couple weeks ago, my W had some medical tests done for her constant nausea. (She has been taking Nexium, but it has had no effect.) Since W's doctor is booked up for two months, the tests were done handled by an associate doctor. Associate called earlier this week to say results were negative. Next day, W's doctor called to say he wants to see her ASAP (appointment was made of Oct. 3rd based on doctor's schedule). This has her scared to death and she has been clinging to me when I come home from work. I try to console her, telling her not to fret until we hear what he has to tell us, but her imagination is getting the better of her.
Tommorrow, there is a carnival in town, and I will make it a point that we go. I hope this can take her mind off it for a while.
Thanks for post on my thread, I hope all will be ok with your w, seems like Oct.3 is along time if something was really wrong, maybe call again and talk to Dr.
Sounds like your w really needs you, you must be lucky. I guess we all are, we just don't all know it at the same level. Prayers for you and your wife Sue
Dropping in to say I'm listening like a kindergartner at story hour -- and I can't wait till I can read for myself.
I like it over here in Piecing. And KAW, you're an inspiration.
I am dealing every day with the same feelings -- now that we have good things going, can it last? Anxiety gets triggered by all kinds of weird little reminders from "the bad time" (as my H now refers to his depression). Am I a fool to believe?
KAW -- thanks for articulating this so well. Love your clear thinking and the way you share what feelings come up. I hear ya loud and clear and I'm learning a lot.
Just checking in to say hi and send support and say thanks. Thanks to all for their advice, it reached my ears at a time I needed it.
Did you go to the carnival? I hope so, cause taking her mind off things is exactly what is needed and you are the person to arrange that for her! It is normal that she clings to you in hard times...and strangely enough, beautifull as well.
I've been wanting to post to you for a while, but things have been pretty busy on this end.
I went back and re-read what you wrote and trust and how they could turn things around so quickly in their minds. "Making the decision" is what my H said to me when I called him on his sudden turn around. Yes, he "decided" to love me again and work to make things right with us again. I can't help wondering if he actually "decided" to not love me for a while so he could be involved with other women. I'm not sure I totally buy into the "made the decision" theory. I still think that feelings or the lack of feelings involve more than just deciding. Perhaps the decision comes in letting go of whatever it was that was keeping the love from shinning through.
I'm sorry to hear about your W's problems. How frustrating to have to wait until Oct. 3rd for a doctor's appt. Well, tell her to keep in mind that if it was anything really serious they'd have asked to see her immediately. So, can't be too bad.
[quote from Mattie's post:] ... can't help wondering if he actually "decided" to not love me for a while so he could be involved with other women.
The slow steady deterioration of the M had lead him to believe the M would not get any better. No, he didn't decide to NOT love you, but he did have doubts about his decision to love you could continue to last and those doubts became strong enough for him to act upon them to confirm whether they were true or not. Unfortunately for you and I, our S decided to find the answers by looking elsewhere. Mattie with your reaction to the discovery of the EA, you forced him to achnowledge that changes truely can be made to improve the way things are on the homefront. This allowed him to believe he can be happy again in his decision to love you and that is all he wanted in the first place! They do come around full circle. Now, to pull them off the circle so they don't repeat their actions is to break the cycle before they have doubts again. That is why the DBing principles must be practice for life. The determination to continue to do what works to bring you closer together is in fact ... to bust any doubts about the decision they made on why they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. I hope this clears it up a little better.
Here's an observation from this weekend that seems to support that they definately use selective memories to sway their thought process: We did go to the carnival on Saturday. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. I made the comment that this carnival was nicer (better rides, petting zoo, etc..) than the one we went to in the spring at the same park. My W gave me a puzzled look and said, "We haven't been here before." How is it I can remember so vividly how we had picked her up from C session, spent the next couple of hours at the carnival ... when D was on a ride, we went to sit upon a couple of rocks ... W brings up how her C felt we needed to sit down with D and tell her "we" intend to split up. W ask how soon can we do this.
... but now as we continue to "piece", my W doesn't remember even being there. Something to ponder...
W ran out of Prozac on Friday, so she didn't have any for the weekend and steadily was feeling the effects of not taking it, but she kept reassuring me her "blues" had nothing to do with R. Sunday, we just spent a quiet day watching football (she is a Giant fan ) and cleaning doing the household chores together.
When she was off her meds was always a rough time. Before, she would neglect her renewals / refills. I would tell how she wasn't managing her meds properly and tell her once again how she needed to do it better. This would bring on her resentment. This weekend, I didn't mention anything at all about her running out of Prozac. Sunday evening she turned to me looked me in the eyes and said, "I know ... Monday I have to get to the doctor", I just asked "Would you be alright doing it on your own or would like me to be there with you?" She answered softly, "I'll do it." I gave her a hug and a kiss on her forehead and said OK with a smile afterwards.
Steph, Sue, and Bridget, thanks for dropping by and the kind words.
Kaw, when your wife starting realizing she wanted to work on the M., did she go through periods of distancing and withdrawal? My H.sometimes is right there ready to come into ecceptance stage but he keeps this wall up. He does so many things I thought he'd never do again, but I still miss the little things, like him putting his arm around me, ya know feelin' good about being together stuff. I mean he takes my hand in the car. He is nice-although sometimes I detect a surge of anger sometimes that he holds in check. I still watch what I say. Its not the easy going relationship I want it to be yet. IF you went through it, you know it hurts that they are here, but thery aren't all here. What did you do with those feelings? So many times over the weekend I wanted to start an OR talk hopping it would lead to somekind of insight to make us closer but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt like he might shut down thinking I was not noticing what he HAS been doing. Am I right to keep my mouth shut? I am SO loving to him! He is loving in return but it's somehow still just not right. What do I do? Any suggestions? It hurts having him here,but not all here..I'm wondering where the rest of him is?? We won't go there~ Rachael
Quoting rmccord: Kaw, when your wife starting realizing she wanted to work on the M., did she go through periods of distancing and withdrawal? My H.sometimes is right there ready to come into ecceptance stage but he keeps this wall up.
Dont know about Kaw's wife, but mine went through that and stil is! Just feel like shaking her sometimes and saying: RELAX, SNAP OUT OF IT WILL YA! Not sure if that would help though...
How is it I can remember so vividly how we had picked her up from C session, spent the next couple of hours at the carnival ... when D was on a ride, we went to sit upon a couple of rocks ... W brings up how her C felt we needed to sit down with D and tell her "we" intend to split up. W ask how soon can we do this.
) and cleaning doing the household chores together.