(1) Brass tacks... Something is going on, whether it is with H or you or whatever, something is up. H was reading your thread here -- that is odd. You sense oddness in general from him. Who knows what the problem is? Maybe he is having an A, maybe he is thinking about it. Maybe he is having a difficult time dealing with what you are going through with menopause and seeking answers. Maybe he is frustrated because he doesn't seem to be able to "make' you happy. Who knows... The point is that you aren't crazy, something is going on, and the two of you need to work together to figure out what is off in your R. Please, no eggshelling or passive aggressiveness from you, lol, you are much better than that. Address this through direct communication.
(2) Your job stuff -- I'm very happy and excited for you about the opportunities you are exploring. I am very sad for you that you seem to be withholding about this to H. You seem to be feeling a lot of anger, resentment, AND a whole lot of defensiveness around the work issue. Can't you just share your activities, prospects, and excitement with H? Can't you tell him that you appreciate his offers and input, but that you really need to go in your own direction with this? What do you have to lose? Sure, he might not give you the praise and support you crave. But, you don't get that by being withholding either, so that is not a cost. Then again, he might turn out to be a much more supportive partner than you are expecting. Hmmmm, that could be a benefit. Give him a chance to be a good guy :-) Also, you might gain a little intimacy by taking down this wall you have built around the work issue. Yet another possible benefit :-) There is no way to avoid emotional risk here. You face the largest emotional risks by building and maintaining this barrier in the R. FWIW, if I had to name the big pink elephant in the room here, I'd say that you are experiencing a rather significant self-esteem problem around work and are being defensive about it as a form of self protection and blaming H/expecting H to be an ass as a form of projection. But, hey, what do I know ;-)
(3) You haven't just been uncomfortable for a day or a week. You have felt distance from H for awhile, you have been confused for some time. Trust yourself and don't pussyfoot around whatever is going on... Denial will just create new disfunctional patterns and undermine your life in all sorts of ways. You know this. Time to respect yourself and take care of yourself... Don't be dragged along by the tide of current events and succumb to taking a victim role. You own your life and you do pretty well with it :-) Let's see a little bit more from you of that stuff that makes that true!
Hugs, Oldtimer
P.S. Newtimer has been able to pull herself up holding onto our fingers and stand/sit down repeatedly since she was 9 weeks old :-) I think I'm going to have to learn some of the rules to those sports I was never coordinated enough to play myself. Oh, and I think she will have dark curls -- is it wrong to be jealous of the locks of one's own child? My H is the most wonderful father (and H, of course) in the world. I am so thankful Newtimer and I have him in our lives. We are so lucky I got D, lol :-D
