Well, I had a lovely weekend away! S and I had a pleasant drive up north. Survival Goddess was kind enough to let S19 and I crash on her couches Saturday night, and took us to an informal BBQ at her professor's house. I'm so excited for her, she went into a Master's program when things with her H looked really bad, and has now graduated and is starting a new job offering her three times the salary she was making before, and lots of international travel to boot!!! What an inspiration to all LBSs!
Her D19 was also there, an absolutely adorable girl, so sweet and such a knockout too.
The next morning we drove to Berkeley and unloaded all S19's stuff into his dorm room (no mean feat - he's a bit of a collector!). He's got a great room in one of the newest buildings this year, and one of his female friends is on the same floor, so they hung out a bit. We had fun putting his room together, of course I know it will be a wreck in no time, but one always has that hope that if you organize it well in the beginning, it will stay in some semblance of order? No? Oh well, we can dream, right?
Then I left him there and took the BART into SF where I met GBO and Azure for dinner. They are both in new R's, and they both looked fabulous. GBO's BF stayed with the kids while we went out - what a lovely man. When I heard him reading bedtime stories to the kids later, it almost brought tears to my eyes, it was so sweet. GBO is a wonderful mom, and I think she's met a man who is capable of being an equally wonderful step-dad.
Spent the night at GBO's, then got up early and took the BART train back over to Berkeley to have breakfast with S and pay for a couple of last-minute items for him before heading to the airport. He's such a good kid.
Came home and, well, it was a little creepy. See, my H's previous affair started when I was gone on a trip with my mom for 10 days - a trip he encouraged. When I got back from that trip, H laid this heavy vibe on me about how well he and the kids had done in my absence, how the kids cleaned so well for him, etc. etc.
So - this time I get home, H has the house all cleaned up (not that it was bad when I left it ) - that should make me happy, right? He even got my D15 to clean her room, which I have been nagging her to do all week (she had a sleepover last week). But there's that sickening undercurrent of "gee, this wasn't hard, why can't you do it this way?" - just like during bomb time. And it's so unfair - the kids will do things for him they won't for me. He just left D a note to clean her room and she did it - so he thinks I just didn't ask her, or what??? I'd been nagging her for a week!
Anyway - the similarities to the bomb time just creeped me out. And H is still depressed and on edge. This morning he was in a little bit of a rush to get to a meeting at work. (Not a crucial meeting - just didn't want to be late for someone he was interviewing - someone who would totally understand if he was "late in traffic"). He had to wear a dress shirt (which he hasn't had to wear in a while) and kept having troubles with each shirt he put on. Shaving nick got blood on the collar of one - no, two - shirts, next shirt was too tight in the neck (although same size as all his other shirts, and he definitely hasn't gained weight) etc, etc. Ten minutes of shirt-changing later, he dashes out the door, gets sprayed by the automatic sprinklers getting into his car, and sits on his favorite new pair of sunglasses and breaks them.
Okay, a rotten and frustrating start to the day, granted - but instead of finding any humor in the ridiculousness of it all, H was throwing things and insisting that I run out today to buy him an identical pair of sunglasses. (And yes, this is a guy who NORMALLY would find the absurdity of this morning funny, and be able to laugh at himself). He's just wound so tight right now, like a string that's about to break. I wish I could help him, but when he gets like this, he thinks I'm the problem.
So - back to focusing on what I CAN control, and that's me. Still working on getting my thyroid and hormones straightened out, have another appointment with my new doc this week. I'm now having hot flashes, I think this time they're menopausal and not due to my thyroid, although it can be hard to tell.
Got my treadmill out, so I'll get back on that today again. Have a little bit of organizing to finish around the house, and need to focus on job search, and getting S14 and D15 ready to go back to school soon.
