Kaw-I hear ya, and I'm tryin'! Was real upbeat all weekend. Went biking and played in the park with our grandson and D. Our youngest S was with us too. I miss our oldest S out in COlorado, but hey, he loves the mountains. He'll be back someday to live here again I hope. About being the Racheal that he fell in love with. That's a hardie. I mean I can try and be her but I'm not 16 any more and neither is he. I still am the same person and thought I was except the bout I had with depression. He chose to have an affair instead of standing by me, and then left for 6 months. I'm doing the best I can with that. I am loving him-if he would choose her over me then I would know that I had done everything I could-I don't know what else to do Kaw! Fun....that is what he loves, I swear he's like a child.Nobody knows him better than me. I can do fun. He stopped by the house for a few minutes. I had seen where he had called on my caller ID at home and called him to ask why he didn't leave a message. He said he figured I was out and about and he'd call me later. He Knows I need him to call me during the day but I did not say anything-just held him and kissed him and told him I loved him. He is effectionate back to me. I wish he was the one all over me like he used to be, but that will come back right? In Time? I bought PAssionate Marriage today. Everyone has been telling me to read it. I hope it has some good ideas in there. Dating.....sometimes he acts as if he does not want to put for the effort unless we are going with someone else. I need to act as if he is dying to go out with me and we will have such a good time. Kaw.....I wish he'd bring me flowers.(sigh) That will be a BIG sign for me. He used to bring them "just because" somtimes. I really miss that. I miss him loving me passionately-hes getting better and compared to alot on this board he does alot,but there is still something missing. I can't put my finger on it. I know he loves me. I wish I knew how he felt about the OW, but I can't really can I? Just that he's here with me and comes home every night.I just hope he does not talk to her.About the cell bill, if he does not order it should I just drop it? I did not want to leave the house today but I made myself and it was good. Tonight I will be the Rachael he married. Rachael
