Hi folks,
Thanks for dropping by. This past weekend has been the roughest I had in two months and has conviced me that we are going to be "piecing" for a bit while longer.

Friday nite, I came home to a withdrawn wife which stirred up deja vue all over again. When I asked about her mood, she said she had issue that she had to work out. She wouldn't give me any clue as to what the issues are and my imagination just took off. I just kept quiet the rest of the night and she kept her distance. Saturday morning, she woke up barely acknowledging my presence. I couldn't take this anymore, so I left to get a haircut and then ended up at the auto parts store for 1� hours. Came home and busied myself with getting ready for a wedding we were invited to attend at 2:00pm.

A month ago, while we were on vacation, my wife wanted to renew our vows in a church. Now, I was hoping she would somehow reassure me things were OK between us while we watched the ceremony, but just the opposite happened. She sat to my right with her hands on her lap and never looked my way once. When the priest got to the part about fidelity and faithfulness, my W leaned away from me and moved both hands to her right leg and closed her eyes. At that point, all the pain I felt when she told me about the A had come back in full force. [Frown] I truely wanted to escape.
After the ceremony at the church was over, we had to "hang around" until cocktail hour at the reception hall started at 6:00 pm.(Was only a 15 minute drive from church.) To keep my mind off the pain, I socialized with relatives. (Mostly ILs as this was my SIL stepson's wedding.) After we were seated for dinner, and the music started, my W started to warm up and with the first slow song she accepted my invite to dance. By midnite, we had danced to every slow dance and to some of the fast ones too with her singing all the love songs in my ear. [Wink]

Sunday we spent a quiet day at home with many hugs and kisses with a little chit chat but no serious talking.

Monday, I was late for work because she initiated ... [Smile] ,but when I came home she was down again. All she would say is that she had a really bad day and she didn't want to talk about it. Here we go again! [Frown] If she would just to let me know what is bothering her...The fact she won't tell me ANYTHING AT ALL just starts my imagination run with thoughts about OM. At bedtime, I decided to gently coax her, by telling to but herself in my shoe and wonder what I must be thinking by her not saying anything about what is bothering her. I told my imagination was running wild with this and I was really scared we were backsliding. I promised I would only listen and not say anything unless she asks. After a while she finally soften, and began to tell me. To try to keep this short, she told me unhappy again, but with herself and NOT due to OR. She says truly loves me and am quite satified with the changes I have made. She didn't want to tell me because I would think she is unhappy with us and that I'm already doing more than my fair share in OR. I just thanked her for sharing and reaffirmed I would not be judgemental about whatever she says.

Her issues:
- She is increasing unhappy about the way she looks. She has recently joined a gym, but feels there has been no change. In truth, she has definately lost weight and I have noticed she is firming up as well. I have always comment of how pretty I think she is (and have always felt damn lucky to have such a pretty woman as my wife), but my opinion doesn't seem to count, because she always comes back with "No, I'm not!" or just rolls her eyes.

- She is unhappy with how she physically feels. This is going to be a tough one and will take a long time. My W is a diabetic and does have trouble regulating it with the medication prescribed. Then there seems to be side effects from the medication - headaches, nausea. Or are they really side effects or something seperate? She is going to doctors, but it is going to take time before they figure it out and prescribe the right amount of medication.

- She has no privacy with 22 yr old D (step-daughter to me) and our 9 yr old D. She can't to go to the bathroom or have a phone conversation w/o one or the other calling, "MA!" When I'm home I do become the buffer between the girls & my W, but when I'm home she does want to spend the time with me, so she feels she doesn't get any private time for herself. I suggested she needs for set up some boundries for the girls when I'm not around and will need to enforce them. Tough for her to do because of guilt she feels towards them, but I won't go into here.

She also did mention that she did see OM in passing at a store. She said she felt wierd about it. Didn't now if she should talk to him or not. She did repeat that they were very good friends for two years before PA, and she misses that friendship very much. She did not bring up her desires like she did in the journal, but did say she misses him as a friend and didn't know how she should act if she sees him again around town. I responded that if she happens to come in contact in a public place that she didn't have to ignore him so long as there is no intentionally contact.

She said she loves me sooo much it hurts and wonders how she could love someone else that much and not love herself. I knew she wouldn't except anything I say in response so I just gave a long hug.

We both felt much better after the talk and on Tuesday I took the day off to be there for her, run interference for her when needed and take her to the doctor. It seem to have made a difference. I just wish she would open up to me more. She said she doesn't know if she could again....Yes, we certainly are going to be piecing for a while..."

'til later,
KAW