Sounds to me like we are in similar situations. My H hasn't had an A (obviously you can never be 100% sure about this), but we have lived apart (because of his work) for a long time. He comes home on weekends.
My H has never said that he "wants to try" but has not "left". We are spending time together with and without the kids. We sleep in the same bed, but he hasn't touched me in 6 months. He kisses me goodnight and goodbye but hasn't said ILY in over 15 months. We talk about going to Europe next year with the kids, doing work around the house and the kids and I are going to spend time with him this summer in the city he is working in. We don't fight and do do little things for each other all the time - same as we always have.
But he won't talk. I have no idea where he is at or why this has happened. I believe it has been in part MLC. Back in February (when I pushed the whole R talk thing) he told me he was only here for the kids, but then why does he spend time with me when he doesn't have to? Unlike your H, mine has not put his wedding ring back on.
Quote: Any others feel this way? I can "pretend" we are on the surface happy, but every small attempt I make to initiate communication regarding real feelings is met with silence or it is clear H does not want to "get too deep"
Wow, this could be my H - he will run if the conversation even seems to be going in that direction.
Quote: I can definitely tell spouse is more relaxed when I am up, when I am lighthearted and confident
I find that this has helped alot to. I'm am very sure to be upbeat whenever we talk on the phone (which is alot) or when he is home. You can see he is way more relaxed when I'm not wallowing in my depression (I have had problems with this for a very long time although it seems to finally be under control).
One thing that I have noticed lately is that he responds differently to the news that friends/relatives have split up. He used to say "that's too bad" or "sometimes it happens". Now he asks "why?". It's like he believes that things don't just happen - there is a reason. Maybe he sees the reasons why this has happened to us and wants to make it better. I don't know. He won't talk.
Yes, it is very frustrating and sometimes I wonder why I bother. But then he'll smile at me or do something nice for me and I know that I will keep going and hopefully he will one day open up to me. Or maybe he never will and I'll have to decide whether I am willing to live with that.
They say actions speak louder that words - the problem is deciphering what those actions mean. Maybe if we were better at that, then the words wouldn't be necessary.
