GH and Mama....I started, long ago, reading that book as well. It's also a VERY highly recommended book. Like many R books, they each make a LOT of sense in their own way.
I think that DB and others like it are solution-oriented....we have read that the philosophy is "not focus on how it happened, but what to do now."
The philosophy of Getting the Love you want, like GH said is "dig deep to where problems come from , for appropriate solutions, etc"
They are different and the same. At first, I didn't like the "focus on childhood" stuff. I felt that we were here and now, and our M was separate from childhood. That I knew the mistakes I made and wanted to correct it.
In a lot of ways, it worked for me. BUT, lately, I have been digging as to WHY I acted the ways I did. Sure, I can find the assumptions, the triggers, but there is also a reason why I chose those particular ways to act. Guess what, I had a chance to spend time with my parents in March and to my horror, I mirrored how my mother acts in her M, and also see that a lot of my overexpressive behaviors come from not expressing myself at all through childhood and into intimate R's. H was sensitive to this side of me in M. It was my duty to face this and outgrow it, and I have now.
By the same token, as I try to make sense of H's actions (total lunacy), I can't help but to read in DB MLC reading and others that so much is rooted in childhood issues. Also, when I consider the history, it makes TOTAL sense.
So, though it is old-school and perhaps reaching, I still think you can combine it with solution-oriented thinking. Most importantly, it helps me to consider the WHY of the madness going on....it's not always the answer, but with larger issues and behaviors, it's helpful. It helped me to understand, and even be compassionate and empathetic. It helped me to see that I have the same thing going on, and helped to learn ways to handle H, like he learned ways to handle me during our M.
All in all, considering childhood issues just makes you more sensitive to someone, and lets you take care of that "inner child" in them that we all have. The side of us that is vulnerable and defensive.
