(((MB))) Ahhhh, sweetie. OK, breather. You did GREAT. Remember that, first. You had one heck of a weekend, and you had an awesome conversation.
You are NOT a doormat. You are patient and giving great consideration to a very big part of your life, your M. There's nothing wrong with that. You are, however, setting boundaries for yourself, and making your own mind at what you believe.
My insight:
* I think H's anger at being questioned is his guilt turned outward. He's feeling angry at your questions b/c he KNOWS he IS doing something HE is not comfortable with. I think your recent (last few months) change in attitude is flipping on his guilt within himself....the fact that you are not questioning him, you are not angry with him, you are sweet, kind, don't blame or withdraw in the face of knowing what he's doing is turning his own guilt on. Before he was running away from the "bitchy" W, now he's facing his own guilt. So, keep up what you were doing. Accusing him will get you nowhere.
* I agree with Holly and others. People make mistakes. They are entitled to that. I'm not saying you have to jump to forgive, just accept that he's human and be a little compassionate, which you HAVE BEEN.
* He may be right on about his MLC. Don't refute that or anything else he says about how he feels. He's thinking now, he wasn't before. His words show introspection, reflection and even self-awareness. He's confused and hitting the bottom.
* He says he's angry all the time and tired. He's turning the bend on his double life, on his quest for "happiness." He's seeing it's not all that it was cracked up to be. He's not angry at you...he's angry at himself, tired that he's spending energy on a life he does not want anymore.
* He's gonna feel like a real loser soon (read what JokerMan says about how he feels). So, it's ULTRA important now that you don't accuse, or do things to make him feel that way. It will come on it's own, and hurts more when it comes from within than from you. He has to go through that phase.
* He's rounding the bend, going through a process. It will have more ups and downs, and take a while, and DO NOT INTERFERE with the process. Simply turn aruond, live your life, draw boundaries for yourself. look at many here who can tell you that what your H is going through is his alone. Let this take it's natural course.
* I suggest, that though you have gained your strength and center, you STILL pursue many of the items on the list. See a lawyer (I did and it was good for me). Get the job (we talked about this before)...or enhance the one you already do out of your home, get serious about it. Open your own account and start putting a little $ in there for YOU. Start getting savvy about finances, how can this be bad regardless of how things turn out. Get out more and live YOUR life. Get the kids into programs so you can have some free time or go for the job. These are things that are good for you, regardless of how the M turns out. You don't have to tell H, rub it in his face, or do it to get back at him. Do it for yoru own empowerment. This is YOUR life, start taking control of it.
* Now, more than ever, detach from H. I really think that his crisis is coming to fruition, and you need to detach. No expectations, no pressure, nothing. Be caring, loving and all that, as you would to a friend.
This conversation, his outburst and everything is a GOOD thing. It means he's not happy with his life, and how HE is leading it. He sees you as a good woman he left for what he thought was better and he's kicking himself for it. He's lashing out at you, b/c he wishes you were STILL the b*tch he painted you in his mind to be. He has feelings, maybe not the right ones, but it's not indifference. Something is going on inside of him....so don't think that he's happy with how things are going in life, happy go lucky with his life.
Now is the time, more than ever, to regain the sanity in your own life, and let H work through his.
