Quick update. H went crazy on me today????? Hates me, told me to get the F away from him. Almost hit me. Said I was a controlling bitch, took the car keys and peeled out of the driveway over an hour ago.
Why you ask, because this morning I thanked him for coming straight home from work the last two days, that it meant alot to me.
Ok, now I must really get my ducks in a row. 1. File bankruptcy, no way I can afford to pay off all of these bills (he has charged up like crazy since this all began last october) 2. Find an attorney. 3. Find a job. 4. Put my son in kindergarten (was holding him back one more year, his birthday is in August - cutoff Sept. 1) 5. Put all 3 of my kids in before and after care at schoool. 6. Get a job. 7. Find an apartment. 8. Tell my H it is time for him to go.
Any other advise would surely be appreciated. Thanks.
Easy easy. Take a deep breath. Remember if he is still with OW, being w you is like being a whore in church. Either you will get saved or you get angry.
I hope others who are more wise than me can advise you at this point. Despite what you do or what happens, you still are Strongbear.
Hi Mama, So sorry for your pain. As Jokerman said "breathe". When these things happen our minds swing into full gear and we start planning for the worst. Yes, see a lawyer but not because of this but because you should always know where you stand legally. Second, having only a brief read of your sitch I see your husband as a man who sees the mundane existence of life as hard to bear and you get the blame. In my house it's the same. Somehow we are responsible for the day to day humdrum of life. Maybe just lay low and don't thank him etc. just back off for a while. He sounds overwhelmed. If he's physically abusive keep him on a very short leash, don't tolerate it for a minute. But, I don't know this to be so. Be safe and take care.
I imagine your H's angry outburst was scary for you. But try not to react too quickly. Your H loves you and the kids. He is being pulled in two directions. His life is a mess, and he knows it. Don't let him make you out to be the "bad guy" by reacting into his hand. You have come so far! I am so impressed with your strength and wisdom. Just give this a few days. Hopefully, H will appear again, less emotional, and will be able to let you know what has triggered him. That would be a good thing. However, if you feel you are in personal danger (physically) then by all means, get out. However, I have not gotten the impression that that is the case. I think your H is just hitting the wall. Take some deep breaths, be with your kids, try to stay calm, and step back and observe for just a little bit longer. Calm. Slow and steady. Don't let H's out of control behavior shift you to try to control everything. Stable and steady. Deep breath. Do something fun with the kids. And then see what happens next. Try not to panic and accelerate your action mode, just yet.
Then next week, Mama, if you want to get a job, enroll the kids in school, talk to a lawyer, whatever, do it when you are calm - because it is what you want for you.
Rooting for you, mama. You are amazing. You are stronger every day. Everything will be alright. Really! Just hang in there.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Mama, I wanted to stress that I agree with the others urging you to calm down, but I also think you need to see a lawyer. I actually think that everyone on this board needs to see a lawyer to make sure that they are protected as much as possible. You need the peace of mind. Find an attorney who specializes in family law.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
I agree. Do some research though. Ask around. Not that you are going to get a divorce, but if so, make sure you have a good lawyer. I've known people who were screwed b/c they did not get a good lawyer.
Take a deep breath and find some legal counsel.
My own opinion, and it may be adverse to this board....If he ever does hit you get the best lawyer money can by and take his a$$ to the cleaners.
Quote: Mama, I wanted to stress that I agree with the others urging you to calm down, but I also think you need to see a lawyer. I actually think that everyone on this board needs to see a lawyer to make sure that they are protected as much as possible. You need the peace of mind. Find an attorney who specializes in family law.
I agree. And an attourney who doesn't have 'get a divorce and take him to the cleaners' attitude. Those kind do not really ave your interest at heart - they just want to win and make money. Someone with a real heart will take care of you - even if taking care of you means helping you stop divorce.
Ok, there I said it too! Now, we BOTH need to calm down. Is there an update?
Anyway, to go on what you posted last night, the first thing that comes to mind is that you may be foolish to believe this rant to be something based in reality. We KNOW these people, our WAS's, are schitzo, right?
If you read my thread, it looks good for me, right? Well, I am half expecting my W to take her new expensive as hell rock and chuck it at my head for no real reason. I don't know why, but I do know that things are almost NEVER predictable in our sitches and getting wrapped up in one convo (er...uh...remember me last week?) no matter HOW bad it is, is a little shortsighted.
You don't want to put all your eggs in THAT basket mama. Now, if things have changed or gotten worse, maybe I would offer you something else, but that's what I got for what you gave.
Holy crap, MB, what's happening? Please clue us in. I think you've gotten good advice here, but DANG! I hate the weekends in situations like this b/c the traffic/posting is low and I want to hear from you! Do drop us a line, sweetie
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
