Ok, Mama, I am only still here today because I wanted to leave you with this...
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, we learned to have compassion for our WAS, right? It was one of the major catalysts that allowed us to DB so "well". If you're like me (and we know you are), as soon as things took a turn for the better, somehow you forgot how to do that. I know I did.
While I have let go, in doing so, I realize how much I had stopped being compassionate and empathetic towards her. In my mind, each little thing she did to NOT live up to my expectations "hurt me" and thus I had no compassion for her. She was hurting me again damnit! I thought she stopped doing that...er...oops... actually, what maybe would have been better to think is I thought I had finally moved past needing her to make me happy and expecting her to be responsible for living up to the expectations in my head. OMG, I was THAT guy again and you know what, she was THAT woman again, neither one was someone I ever expected to see again.
Once I figured that out, once I realized that as much as she hadn't really changed or moved very far from where she once was in terms of the OM, I had not really moved on from where I was, as the victim, the person who was having things DONE to them. Now I see where I went wrong, and can also see her "wrong" but I don't need to fix it.
Yes, I am at square zero again and this time, if I manage to leave this square, I hope never to return again.
I'm out for the day...didn't really mean to be here this much. Good luck Mama and just be yourself without worrying so much what he thinks about it.
