Get out of jail FREE!

[KAW]

After I posted again more came to mind that I figure I should mention here...

This last weekend (before I knew about renewed contact with OM.), W mentioned she wants to do something on our anniversary in Nov. - perhaps go to the Poconos (known for their hot tubs in the been room ) That time of the year always seems to find us tight for $$$, the anniversary celebration always seem to be downsized because of it. This year I will find a way to make it happen!

Yesterday, I came home for work with flowers. Its been a couple of months since the last time. She smiled and said it helped because she was in a funk. Breif explanation on words here - During her WAW period, she would say quite often she was blue. I associated this as symptoms of her clinical depression returning. Now when she feels down she calls it a "funk" as to make sure it is not associated with depression. There were plenty of reasons for her to feel "funky". Her sister from Florida is up this way and staying with her mother. See went to see her yesterday, however, there is much tension between W and her mother right now over W wantin to leave our M and it got back to W about mother say to other relative that she hopes W get the bug out of her a$$ soon.
While visiting yesterday, she was told her uncle/godfather only has a few days left to live. He was taken off dialesis <sp?> and he is slipping fast.

She told me the cat escaped outside thru the living room screen (but didn't go any further than the deck - indoor cat), so I proceeded to repair the screen. She sat in the room with me, but her mood continue go down so I ask if she wanted to go for a walk or a bike ride or anything else. She said she didn't feel like it. As I put the screen back in the window, she turned on the TV, but didn't find anything she wanted to watch and decided to go to bed at 8:00pm. I joined her to be supportive (it is one of her complaints that she felt lonely and I was distant and uncaring about her feelings), but she told me she just needed to sleep and I should watch the NASCAR race I taped from last weekend in the living room instead knowing I haven't it watched yet. I reaffirmed that I wanted to be with her if she wanted, but she continue to tell me to go watch the race, so I left the room. I began to wonder if this funk is over OM and the thought still lingers with me now. I can't seem to shake it. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh...

'til later,
KAW

[tbone]

Her funk probably is over OM but that doesn't matter so let it run its course. Our W are very confused and aren't capable of making a long term decision like completely recommitting to the M. So what. We give them time and consideration and be the H they have always wanted. Take her to the Pocomos and give her a weekend she won't ever forget. Here is the bottom line. You are competeing with the OM. So kick his A$$. Not physically, but in the battle for your W. No, it shouldn't be a competition, but guess what, it is. That is how I handle my sitch. There are several competitors and I plan on kicking all of their a$$es. One last thought. You could become the man of all men and it may not be enough for her to choose you. People do make poor choices. Bill Clinton did become President didn't he? So what if Mrs. Kaw makes a bad choice, the next Mrs. Kaw will appreciate the masterpiece that you have become.

I don't sugar coat things because, well, I don't do it very well. Most people will rise to a challenge but sometimes they don't know there is one. We have a very similar one buddy. Lure our W away from a fantasy world that will hurt them eventually. We have to stay appealing while they figure that out for themselves. In the mean time let your competitive instincts shine. My W hurt her back recently and I have been an excellent caregiver and massage therapist (she said I helped way more than the chiropractor). Something I didn't do well in the past. We have a "date" tonight so I when I met her for lunch I "teased" her big time. I like being her "boyfriend" because it is so much more fun than being her H.

TBONE

P.S. Kick his a$$!!!

[KAW]

Tbone,
Thanks for the pep talk ... I'm certainly come to count on you to help staighten me out again .... and again ...

Your absolutely right about it being a competition and has been my basis of all my DBing from the start. That is what makes it such a blow when she tells you she loves you and it is over w/ OM...you think you are the victor...only to find out it was just the 1st half and now you are back on the field for the 2nd half! When did this turn into a football game??!! Yes, I know pre-season started last week and I did watch the Monday nite game.

'til later,
KAW

[treesa2]

Well KAW now you know the REAL meaning of a "Hail Mary pass!"

[tbone]

Kaw,

How is the game plan working? I am glad you didn't take my pep talk the wrong way. I know how hard it is to do the right things in a sitch like ours. The frustration and roller coaster are enough to make anyone want to throw in the towel. We are so close yet so far away from our goal.

TBONE

[lisakate32]

hi, i have been around the newcomers board since nov of last year and the infidelity board since feb. now i lurk here and there. first thing that comes to mind is how great you guys are. it gives me hope that my h may someday grow into a man like one of you. in a lot of the cases i see the spouse who is left takes some share of responsibility for the affair or the walking away and makes changes to become a better person and partner. it is a win-win situation and you guys are proof. no matter what the ultimate outcome, you guys will be ok, better than ok! i do notice that you seem to treat your wives like children sometimes, but maybe that is part of unconditional love. my h walked out on me and our baby after 8 years of marriage because he didn't want the responsibilty. he wanted to party, have sex with other women and forget about me. he has even admitted it had nothing to do with me other than i stood in the way of his freedom. he admits i did nothing wrong, he had nothing bad to say about me or the type of wife i was. he just didn't want to be married, just wasn't in love. my question is this; how do i believe him now? he says he wants to be married now and be a good dad. the single life with the ow wasn't what he thought it would be. he realizes he loves us and wants us now. how do you guys find peace with your wives? can a man change so quickly from a lying cheating walk away to a decent husband and father? thanks,lisa

[treesa2]

SO you got the typical.. blah blah from your H... it's tiresome isn't it! sigh... immature twits they can be!
WEll... how do you believe them? It's tough. What you want is a NEW marriage. not the old one. It always seem to start when the baby comes along and H is no longer the centre of the universe. Partying gets old pretty quickly... eventually the othrs guys and gals pair off, get married and start their own families and pretty soon you notice that the partyiers are all ten or 15 years younger than you! LOL!!
I digress...

I would suggest counselling... only call it "coaching" and see how he reacts. You both need new ways to learn to be together. "C" helps. If he won't go with you, go alone... to a pro marriage counsellor who can at least help you if he won't go.

It does take two to tango and I know I did my share of skipping a step or two...

[ANS]

quote:Originally posted by lisa32:

can a man change so quickly from a lying cheating walk away to a decent husband and father? thanks,lisa

quote:Excerpt from Walk Away Wife Syndrome:

I have seen so many men make amazing changes once they truly understand how unhappy their wives have been. Sometimes men are slow to catch on, but when they do, their determination to turn things around can be astounding. I have seen many couples strengthen their marriages successfully even though it seemed an impossible feat. Give your husband another chance. Let him prove to you that things can be different.

No guarantees, Lisa. But you put your heart into forging a new R. IMHO, you owe it to yourself to reap what you've sown.

Andy

[lisakate32]

treeas, andy, thanks! i always get what i need when i ask for help here. andy i think you helped me out a few times when i was posting on newcomers a while ago. we are in counciling, h suggested it in his desire to come back. he put me through 4 monthes of h&**. but i found the books and this sight right away and saw this as the ultimate challenge of my life. i think i am lucky in that things turned around quickly and so many others are still trying. it is weird, like he woke up all of a sudden. but he walked out all of a sudden too. didn't even know we were in trouble. i am thinking of starting a thread here as i still need support on this journey in recovery of my marriage. i feel like giving up sometimes because i fear the pain of getting left again, but i want the joy of a good marriage. i deserve it! lisa

[ANS]

Yes you do deserve it, Lisa. I'm happy that you remember me.

Four months of hell is tough. Seems like a lifetime, doesn't it?

I can't even count the number of times I wished I had the strength to give up. But gul-dern-it. I love my W too much.

My W never even threatened to leave me, but I'll tell you something, Lisa. After two years of trying to get her back emotionally, I'm finally getting there.

And it's worth every minute of the hell I went through.

Don't let fear of going back to those painful times do it to you.

My step mom once told me that she never saw a M worth it's salt that didn't go through a chrisis.

You've been through yours. Now keep on going.

Andy