He has too. If he lets himself see it, the guilt will overwhelm him. The mind is always trying to defend itself from pain. He is disconnecting. Again he cannot deal with the cognitive dissonance.
Quote: I really believe love is a choice, once you choose to love someone, and it could be anyone
I agree with you on that one! I do not love my wife; however, I know I am DAMN lucky to have a chance at having such a wonderful person in my life to grow old with. Hopefully through my counseling I will get to the point where I will choose to love her.
Quote: OW is like a drug and he is addicted to her.
Yep. Just like a drug addict or drunk, you justify your behavior, you sneak around, you lie, you will do anything for your addiciton. The problem with affairs is you don't want anyone to know. When you do have guilt or want to get out, you have nowhere to turn but the OW. It is sad really.
Quote: He may wake up after a great weekend and say to himself, ok today is the day I am going to stop seeing her, then he gets to work and she works her manipulative ways and he falls her prey, again
You are dead on. I tried to leave my OW a few times, but it was b/c I felt like I had to. I did not really leave until I got some clarity and WANTED to. Now her manipulative ways have little or no effect on me.
Quote: Hopefully, she will get tired of waiting for him to leave us and resentful of the time that he spends with me and the kids and end the R herself
Maybe, but it would be better if HE ended it. If she ends it and he does not want it to end, he will never fully let go and grab on to you.
I think you have an excellent grasp of the situation. I still cannot believe how strong you are. My W would have left me LONG ago.
IMO your husband does not deserve you, just like I do not deserve my wife. I am starting to see that now and I hope you H will.
Put it this way, I was so far in to my affair I WAS contacting a lawyer to leave my wife. I was already having discussions with my wife about custody and seeing a mediator. It took a lot of small things and a couple of big things for my cloud to lift. But here I am. And despite all the good times with the OW, I am happier now than I ever was with her at least with myself. So I have to believe there is hope for your hubby.
YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU & YOUR KIDS. If he does leave, you will have the peace in your heart you did the right thing and it was his choice not yours. Your kids will see this too and resent him and the OW even more.
But the pain you have now, will not be close to the pain he WILL have once his clarity sets in and he resents the OW, and sees the trainwreck HE allowed the OW to create in his life.
