Quote: I think he is perfectly fine being good friends and that is it. When he is home we do everything together...
For a couple months W was my 'friend'. She really hadn't 'decided' that she could be my wife yet. He doesn't know WHAT he is 'fine' with right now. It could change in day to something totally different. It just takes time.
Quote: Like I said before if anyone saw us they would think we were happy, the perfect couple. Sadly, we are not. I like GH, have not been intimate with my H since last November. This hurts and I don't know how to fix it.
I know that well. During that time one of W's friends remarked what a happy couple we seemed to be when we were no longer 'in our relationship'.
Quote: I was checking out what Frank wrote on HH's thread. Really good stuff. I am that little girl, clinging to my H, waiting form him to throw me a bone.
You are. You are waiting for HIM to 'go first'. So, you hold back part of yourself as a defense against getting hurt. I know how that feels. I do the same thing. But then you say...
Quote: When H went to bed last night I was tucking our S4 in bed, he said goodnight and then went in our room. A few minutes later he came back out and walked up to me and said "come here", gave me a big hug and said "this feels so good, I could fall asleep right here"
What you don't say is what you did NEXT. Here was an opportunity to put some deposits in his 'love bank'. What is his love language? DO you have an idea?
What you MIGHT have done: "H, why don't you sit on the couch and let me massage your feet / shoulders / whatever." In that INSTANT he was being open, vulnerable. He was 'peeking out of the fog'. Did you used to do things like that for him? Take advantage of those moments. And then...
Quote: So, it appears that he may be on the fence tetering back and forth. I don't want to give him any reason to lean the other way.
You DO want to give him reasons to lean THIS way. Do you touch him? Like a rub on the shoulder, a squeeze of the hand, A pat on the back? Not grabbing or holding, but small loving touches now and then. A smile, eye contact, then going on with whatever you were doing.
When he comes home do you make sure you go to greet him with a smile and a kind word? No, don't run to the door, but make sure you let him know you SEE he is there.
When you watch TV shows do you sit next to each other so you are touching? A leg, a shoulder? Do you offer to rub or massage sore muscles? All of these things build intimacy. They all add up over time.
I know it seems like you have to 'do everything' but the reality is that right now, you DO.
You said you want him to 'see' your changes, well here are some that he can't miss!
Try it. Think of things you can do that build that connection.
