Quote: Please remind me why I am putting up with this again!!!!
I may have very low self esteem, but come on, who deserves this kind of treatment? I know, I know, PMA, be the better person, have integrity and morals, yada yada yada....
He has lower self esteem. If he had higher self esteem he'd just TELL you how he got the sunburn. And he wouldn't need OW to help him feel good about himself.
It's that dream world they live in - the one where the OP has no problems, no issues and life is perfectly grand. It doesn't last, it can't last. It isn't real.
Quote: I just want to call the OW up and say do you even know that H is married and has 3 children and do you even care?
It doesn't matter. She isn't the issue, he is. She is just a player in a drama created for his own ego to hang on to. And HE is a player in her drama. They are both lost.
If you called her, you'd give her a reason to yap about you to him, and it would just piss him off. After all, you're trying to deconstruct HIS fantasy. He has to do that on his own, and you have to stay out of the way.
Quote: Anyway, hang with me and dish out the tough love. Who else will do it? Anyone that knows of my sitch thinks I should throw in the towel and throw him out. Sorry, but I am not ready to do that yet so I need you guys more than ever for support.
You don't need tough love thrown at you. You already know what to do. We support you in DOING it.
Besides, ask yourself this: Have you EARNED the right to leave? Have you done all that you can do? Maybe you have, I don't know. It seems like it's moving forward, not stuck and not going backwards.
You can stay neutral and let it play itself out. Focus on where YOUR life is going to go. I know it's easy for me to say, and not so easy for you to do. You will though. It's who you are.
Oh, one other thing. With my W I saw her sneaking around to talk to OM on her cell phone or via messaging on her computer. WHen she tried to hide it from me I just firmly told her to 'take it somewhere else because I didn't want to be insulted by her adultery in our childrens home'.
That shocked her, and she became very aware that I wasn't a wimpy 'take it' kind of person. I wasn't going to tell her how to live with her affair, but I also wasn't going to allow her to insult me or the sanctity of our children's home.
In my experience, when someone continues to insult me by lying to me, I just call them on it. I don't ask for an explanation I just simply call it out into the open. LIke with him I might say "I don't care if you were with OW. I find it more insulting that you lie about it than if you were just to say NOTHING instead. When you LIE you insult both of us. I would rather you just say nothing."
It establishes rules, respect and your dignity. You aren't saying what he did with OW is wrong (he already knows that) you're saying what he is doing with YOU is wrong. He doesn't seem to know that part yet.
