Hi all, last thread; The Platonic R continues part 1 and 2 are now locked up. Unfortunately I do not know how to connect them here.
I was just on Positively Listening's thread and was touched by this statement:
Quote: I am struck with a feeling that my H still really cares for me, and is trying in many ways to continue to look out for me. He is a good honorable man who really does want to do the right thing. He's just tangled up in an A and an MLC and a fair amount of confusion that goes with all that. Perhaps by just being steady and loving and patient I will be able to support him in getting untangled. I can be strength. I can be solid as a rock. I can be loving. I can be patient and understanding. I can wait to see what happens. It is so not over for me.
Ok H supposedly worked late tonight, I suspect he was with OW. That being said he should have been home by 6:30 p.m.
He called at 7:14 and said he had a really bad day and would be home in a few minutes.
I know I shouldn't have, but at 8:00 I called him to see where he was (he works 1/2 hour away), he didn't answer.
H called back a few mintues later, said he stopped to get lotto tickets and would be home soon. Got home by 8:15.
Our son4 ran to him right away, H picked him up and said "this is what it is all about" - WTF? If that is how you feel, why don't you come straight home from work to be with our kids?
I was so mad!!!!! Practicing a speech in my head. But guess what, 180 for Mama, I thought about it and decided now would not be a good time for A TALK.
I am seriously considering changing my name to Ms. Grin and Bear it.
I think you were right not to confront at night. I know whenever I say aynthing at night it escalates into something bad fast. I have to have the right timing. I too live with H with a terrible time concept. I hate having dinner ready only to have him call at least an hour later and say he is tied up, then an other hour or two to finally see him come in. He only works 7 miles away. It is just another way he is showing me he disrespcts me. I have to get that. If he respected me, he would not be having an affair. Of course he does not respect me enough to come for dinner at the right time. I have to get strong enough to let him know I am worthy of respect and if he cannot give that to me, than he will have to stay away until he thinks he can try. So hard to think about though! However, in the mean time, if he does not respect me, we will get no where. me being nice and doing everything is giving him no consequences at all for his behaviors. It is like having our teenager doing drugs and me sitting back trying to be nice to him while he figures out it is a bad thing. No, someone needs to step in and give some tough love. Still don't know if i am strong enough to do it though.
As you may know, H and I leave little post it notes for eachother in the morning as he leaves for work before I get up. In my note I stated "if you get home early enough today I would like to go to the mall to get you a new wedding ring"(he has stopped wearing his since he dropped the bomb last October).
This was his reply:
"Good Morning Honey, Thank you for making my lunch, again. I like the wedding ring that I have. I put it on this morning. Hope you have a good day. I Love You!"
Ok, I knew it was too good to last.... H just called and said he has the opportunity to go to the Cubs game with someone from work today. He hopes I am not mad, (like that would make a difference). It really bothers me cause I keep thinking that the "someone" is the OW. So the ring thing was just a way of pacifying me since he obviously knew yesterday that he was going to go. (He would of had to bring a change of clothes)
Ok, I came here to vent my anger and let it go. No, I am not going to watch the game on TV to see if I can spot him (though I did think of it). Breathe Mama, let it out. You will be ok. I will gather up the other loves of my life, my kids, hop in our convertible and take them somewhere fun. Like the zoo or the beach or something. Deep breaths, in and out......
Hey Mama, good to see your posts again! Love keeping up with your life!
You're doing great. Just think of it....you could have chosen to handle this by not changing and reacting the way you always did, being pulled by the storm and being angry. Instead, you're reading, you're looking within, you're being patient and loving and bearing with the storm. One day he will realize how hard it was for you to live with him as a loving W when he was betraying you each day.
In the meantime, I can't help but to think, from H's notes and other loving things, that is he still seeing OW? Is she still in the picture. I know in my H's case, I could tell when it was over, he was actually NICE to me...before he was rude, aloof, obligatory--it was hard for him to have both happily in his life.....your H seems so nice and attentive at times, so it makes me think that perhaps he's not seeing OW.
Keep being graceful, patient and nice. I still think this isn't the time to ask questions, etc. You need more of a foundation between you both before coming out with all of that. Take it from me, I pushed too early (not knowing H was still not ready for that, as he indicated he was), and let my anger/pain out too early...take it slow.
Next? lol.